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Question: Help with a poem that needs editing!?
I don't know!. Something just doesn't feel right about it!.


Free Emotions

Let’s go to Maine!
Where our hearts can run free and visit
whtever realms they so desire and
the only warmth will come from the
fires of our burning love!.

And the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains!.
But our tears can flow freely when they want and take
whatever path down our cheeks
they might happen to choose!.

What primitive desire,
to think and breath and feel!.
But so many lack the
freedoms of simple
things like that!.

It shouldn't make sense!.
That would be too easy;
You need to think about it
but can you do that!?

Do you have the capacity!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I'd take out the line "the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plains"; it takes us to the music and away from your work -- besides, it has already been used!.

whtever realms they so desire and<--- whatever

Good poem!. I want to see your work as you grow!.
T!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love the feeling of enthusiasm with the line "Let's go to Maine!" I've always had ideas about Maine being a beautiful place!.

I kind of agree about dropping the last line, but also kind of agree about not letting other people edit it! But I also agree that you should change the rain in spain!!

Maybe something like "the rain in vain falls plainly on Maine"!. You know something to that extent!. Or just change it completely but keep the feeling of that line, because I think you used it because it had just that certain feeling to it!.

It is a very freeing (as the title suggest) poem!. I like it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

once you really think about it, it is a great poem and you put a lot of thought into it!. But it is your poem and you shouldn't let other people change it for you!. I wouldn't change it!. Go with your first instinct!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The freedoms of things like that must be changed!. If you evade the infrequent use of of simple things, your poem could now interprete:

degrees of abscence
on the verges of sinWww@QuestionHome@Com

I don't really like the rain in Spain part!. Maybe you should try to disguise the quote more and not use the exact words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Drop the last line!. it doesn't fit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com