Position:Home>Poetry> Can you Critique my POEM Please???!!!?
Question: Can you Critique my POEM Please!?!?!?!!!!?
Love poem IV
The light of Venus, grace of the skies
Shines with brightness in her cloudless eyes
A heavenly joy dwells deep in her heart
An innocent love with no disguise
And o’er that flowing golden hair
So pure, it brings her a beauty rare
A queenly crown should sparkle bright
For she’s a goddess, a maiden fair
And surely Venus will stare amazed
With eyes aghast and eyebrows raised
At that summit of all earthly grace
That all the stars of sky have praised
1!.The Venus in the first stanza is planet Venus
2!.The Venus in the last stanza is the roman goddess!.
ATTENTION:
Would this line be a better substitute for my last line!?
Instead of:
That all the stars of sky have praised
to write:
That all the angels of heaven praisedWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You sound like Keats!.
"1!.The Venus in the first stanza is planet Venus
2!.The Venus in the last stanza is the roman goddess!."
You don't need to tell people this, if they can't figure it out, they won't like poetry anyway!.
It's actually a very, very good poem!. I did not personally "like" it much, because that's not the sort of thing I like, but you certainly have a talent!. Keep writing! And keep reading the work of lots of other writers & poets, it's the best way to grow as a writer!.
This is the website for a magazine that is a great resource for writers:
http://www!.pw!.org/
They have a large section each issue of competitions, most of which will publish winning pieces and many of which will give you MONEY if you win!
Enter all the ones that are free, and be sure to mention in your cover letters that you are only 16 years old!.!.!. someone will soon notice you!
Thanks for sharing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the original line, as it is!.
I'm correcting it though:
Light of Venus, Grace of Sky,
Shine with brightness in her cloudless eyes,
A heavenly joy dwells deep in her heart,
And innocent love without a disguise!.
And o'er her flowing golden hair,
So pure, it brings her beauty, rare,
A queens crown should spark bright,
For she's a goddess, a maiden fair!.
And surely Venus will be in awe,
With eyes aghast and brows raised,
At the summit of all Earthy grace,
That all the stars of the sky have praised!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I prefer the stars of the sky to the angels of heaven!.!.!.
It is good the way you have written and it is a question of personal choice!.
reason for my preference the revision seems to weighty with angels!.
If you do revise consider the following -the stars of heaven-
just a thought!.
You write well,
my compliments to you!Www@QuestionHome@Com
it sounds damn good to me the way it is!.you are better at writing than i am but if you would check the one out i wrote and be my critiqueWww@QuestionHome@Com
i really do like it keep the last line because well just keep it and man you pro poets have such a wide vocabulary maybe i shoud read the thesarus or somethingWww@QuestionHome@Com