What do you think of the stanza below?

Question: What do you think of the stanza below!?

Rain, O great glassy dome of cloud
Wash the sky; cleanse its pain and grief
And though you resemble crying eyes
Your soft swish brings me a relief
As it sprinkles on every branch and leafWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

The concept is okay, but I'd change the line order!.!.!.try this:

Oh, great glassy dome of cloud
Wash the sky; cleanse its pain and grief
And as sprinkles fall to each branch and leaf
From your great grey crying eyes
Your soft swish brings me relief
That sounds like the wind that sighs

When you add a non-rhyming first line, you change the formula and the single rhyme at the end seems weak!.!.but by creating a secondary rhyme at the end it gives it a sense of closure!.

This was just an example, but I hope it got you thinkingWww@QuestionHome@Com