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Question: Could you take a moment to critique this ditty, please!?
A few years ago, a friend of mine met a girl who bowled him over!. He asked me if I'd write a poem expressing how he felt, so I did!. Here it is!. (It's lighthearted in tone!.)

It has 16 verses!. I'd appreciate readers holding off on comment 'til they're all posted!. I'll have to do a few at a time!. Thanks for your patience!.

SHELLY

Loveless, lonely, misbegotten,
my life sure stunk - pure ultra-smelly!
On I trudged, unseen, forgotten,
and then one day - along came Shelly!

Bright 'n' breezy and oozin' charm,
traversed the world - New York - New Delhi!.
Tons of mischief, no ounce of harm -
an impish sprite - ah! Such is Shelly!

Self-assurance is amazin' -
she sure ain't shy - not on your nellie!
In your face, both barrels blazin' -
she's bold as brass is that gal Shelly!

She's out to taste the joys of life -
gets stuck right in - gives it some wellie!.
She won't succumb to pain or strife -
she's far too busy just being Shelly!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think it is absolutely adorable! If she is everything you say she is in the poem, I think she will think so too, give it to her, she will love the humor!. Thanks for sharing, it is great!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Hope he doesn't share it with her if he likes her!.
It does seem a bit detached and coarse!.!.!.
"In your face, both barrels blazin'"
Do you mean her eyes or nostrils - (ref to previous ref "ultra smelly") maybe you're just a bit detached & impersonal to your friend's feelings!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Try please please try harder!.!.!.!.something is just not right!.!.!.!.
like "In your face, both barrels blazin' " Could you work harder!? (So you asked for criticism so here it is)


P!.S!. Only my opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Total and absolute pants, but very well-constructed, ingenious and imaginative pants!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked it, fast paced and readble!. It makes me want to meet Shelly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You had me, until you say he gave it to her as his own work,
if I was Shelly, then I would hope she would not see this!.
As a total seems a bit long!.Www@QuestionHome@Com