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Position:Home>Poetry> Can you give comments for this poem?Question: Can you give comments for this poem!? green web weaved
by spider of jealousy transformed the heart into a cold hollow cove covered by deadly nets trapping souls with its' wicked ambition in hapiness it finds anguish in anguish it finds bliss in bliss it finds wrath in wrath it finds power the final satisfaction be not fooled by this tranquil surface underneath swims the ferocious covets, unfed alluring green color of a soultrap who would've known!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I'm not crazy about poems that anthropomorphize creatures to sell an emotion!. I'll be fair though, and honest!. In the first stanza, the green and jealousy are too easily connected!. The spider and web images are great, but the images then get a little too far afield for me to understand what you mean!. "Cold hollow cove" and nets trapping souls" are fine images, but I don't know what they mean!. That part needs to be a little more down to earth!. The second stanza is a list, and as such does little to move the poem!. Rather, it kind of states what we are supposed to feel without giving us a real sensation to tie it to!. For example, you write "in wrath it finds power!." That's great--I know that that's true, but I'd rather you didn't tell me something I already know!. Real good poetry allows the reader to discover that for themselves!. Give an example!. The only thing I can think of is an Elvis Costello song that begins with the line "He's out in the woods with a squirrel gun/trying to capture his anger!." Not perfect, but it gives a bit of the literal and figurative language that lets the reader interpret it for themselves!. Never start a line with "be not" unless you are a knight of the realm!. In the third stanza, you had me until "ferocious covets!." I understand that ferocious means to go after something like a predator, like a jungle cat eyeing a meal!. but covets means to steal, so I'm lost!. This befuddlement continues in your last stanza, "color of a soultrap" means nothing, as does "who would've known!?" I don't know what a soultrap looks like, so I can't imagine a color for one!. And the question is too ambiguous to mean anything!. I will say, I think you are very good with words and have a strong vocabulary!. If you keep reading and writing, you're going to turn out to be quite good at this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com This is unique and darkly beautiful!. The imagery is very impressive and somewhat disturbing, especially because of the truth in your perspective of power and ambition!. Very powerful!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com very very creative it was really really nice i loved it yuo should continue to write its wonderful i hope you post another 1 i would love to read more awesomeWww@QuestionHome@Com Wow, I really like that!. It has a good meaning and is easy to read!. Keep writing, I'd like to hear more from you! <3 ~an average girlWww@QuestionHome@Com very good, very creativeWww@QuestionHome@Com It sure is alluring, it had excellent vocab, keep up the good workWww@QuestionHome@Com Its very impressive, good choice of words and the poem's idea is mind-blowing!.!.!. Keep writing =)Www@QuestionHome@Com brilliantWww@QuestionHome@Com I think that its really good! Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com I think this is really good and its very creative!. Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com that was very creative it is probably one of the best one ive seenWww@QuestionHome@Com i think its great! nice jobWww@QuestionHome@Com |