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Position:Home>Poetry> Critique this.?Question: Critique this!.!? I know I already posted it but I only got one answer :(
Extra sweet, with a flower on the side, Hundreds of colors, not just for the eye, A picture, one hundred memories unwind, Those wonderful notes, ringing in my ears, A soft kiss, the last thing I know, As I drift into a forever sleep!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I have to say it is quite good, well written and nice flow, I could read it without fault, however I felt t lacking, I need more to become involved with the meassage, well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Average girl, I will give it to you!.!.!. the image is positive and beautiful, but I hate the timing and it's too short!.!.!. Grade B+ !.!.!.May I!? WHY You're extra sweet With a flower on the side, Colors at my feet Drift to clouds very high One million memories As clear as the sky, I'll never ask you why And I'll never tell you goodbye I look at your picture How lucky am I, The one thing that is sure Our love will never die Your name whispered softly Makes my heart want to fly, I'll never ask you why And I'll never tell you goodbye As I drift into my sleep I hold you close by, Precious times you want to keep Until the day that you die Nothing less than a beautiful rainbow So pleasing to the eyes, I'll never ask you why And I'll tell tell you goodbye I'll never ask you why And I'll never tell you goodbye!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I love the last line: As I drift into a forever sleep!. Perfect last verse in my opinion! Maybe a little more after this verse: Those wonderful notes, ringing in my ears, I liked it and felt it was heart felt, see how every one is different, yes it could be a little longer, but loved that last verse!! Cheers!!Www@QuestionHome@Com Extend it, add about 2 more stanzes!.!.!.!.it seems very unfinished!. The emotion is there, but it seems terribly half finished!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Its one long sentence!. More punctuation would make more sense, nice imagery, just needs a bit polishing, I would like it longer also!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I dont like it!. It just feels like words that are ment to mean something but there is no emotion behind them!. Sorry!. That my opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com the title should be nothingWww@QuestionHome@Com Amazing poem!. I love itWww@QuestionHome@Com blah!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |