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Question: How's my poem!?!?!?!?please DO TELL ME!.!.!.!?
The Birds were chirping
and it was beginning to dawn
I was anxiously standing
in the centre of the lawn
the sun was becoming a glowing red
the streams were getting
ready to go to bed
the sky was totally clear
and glowing as a red new pear
soon i saw a group of white birds
coming from the east as cattle herds
quite very pleasant was the breeze
which was blowing with an ease
the stars came out
from their hide-out
from these things i got an idea
so i took my pen and sat for long
and began to write this beautiful song!.


How was it!?!?!?!?please let me know if i can improve it!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Good on you for writing, but I think your rhythm is a bit off - for example "I was anxiously standing in the centre of the lawn" and "ready to go to bed the sky was totally clear"!. If you say those lines in your head or out loud they don't flow well so maybe you could change them around a bit!. And also, you don't need to say both "quite" and "very" when describing the breeze because it's bad grammar and you're overstating!. Thats just my opinion!. Good luck with it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

the ryhme scheme is erratic, the metre is off and at one point you rhymed 'out' with 'out'!. You're okay for 13 but you better practice lots if your hoping to be a published poet or anything!. For a poem you might show your mum its good- for a real poem it needs work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well!.!.!.

I see no pain in the poem, definitely not!. You simply described the beauty of nature as you already have stated!. But it could use a little more work on it!. For 13, it' was quite good!. I'm sure you could make it better though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nice Poem!.!.!.

I think you are still single or just broken your relationship with any one, you pain is showing in this poem!. You are so lonely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

you should really be a poet!. its a very nice poem!. whats your age!?!?!? if u are below 15 i think that u really have makings ofa poet inside uWww@QuestionHome@Com

at 13, a poem like this!.!?!?!.!.!.very nice !Www@QuestionHome@Com