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Question: Please tell me what you think of this poem!.!.!. any modifications needed!?
ACCUSATIONS

This selfish world,
is so uncomfortable,
I wish i could die soon,
but thats not possible!.

At this age,
I wish to be at peace,
but this world i dwell in,
thinks that i am a dweeb!.

Not a soul to turn to,
for all are the same,
be it my fault or not,
I'll always be blamed!.

Compare!. they me
to the dumbest of dumbs,
as if i am the only one,
most foolish and numb!.

Not one quality,
does it find worthy in my,
well, what can be done,
when they just cannot see!.

Self- pity is not my thing,
yet, i do write this,
For, it is better than mourning and crying,
and is my solitude's bliss!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I can see that you're trying, but here's the thing about rhyming: it needs to appear almost accidental!.!.!.the rhymed words need to appear as if they were the only words that would fit!.!.!.that the fact they rhyme is a coincidence!. When you force your word order to allow the rhymed word to land at the end of the sentence it's called a "contrived line" or "contrived rhyme", meaning you created an unnatural situation so your rhyme would work!.!.!.only in so doing it's obvious that it is "NOT" natural and draws undue attention to the word!. The other concept you need to understand is "enjambment", which is where your rhymed word is in the middle of a phrase but lands at the end of a line, like this:

If I could speak of all the things
that make a house a home
instead of just concentric rings
they used when building Rome

It may not be the next great poem, but it should show you how the rhyme words only "landed" at the end of the line, but were actually somewhere in the middle of the phrase if you were to stretch it out (there wouldn't be any period after the rhymed word)!.

Another thing to keep in mind, especially with rhymed verse, is that you need to settle in on a pattern (abab, aabb, aaba, abcb, etc!.) and stick with it!. If you're finding it too difficult to create rhymes that aren't contrived, then avoid them for now and either write in free or open verse!. Free verse is just as it sounds, free of rhyme, pattern, beat, etc!., yet they too will have an internal clock and need to contain poetic devices or they're simply drivel!. Open verse is structured, but not rhymed; it has consistant beats, but the end words don't rhyme!.

Hope this helps!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Try to make the lines more fluent!. In the last stanza, you have a medium length line, a short line, and then a long one!. It just doesn't sound very good!. In the second stanza, I'd suggest using something instead of dweeb; it doesn't fit with the mood!.
also, don't try so hard to rhyme!. Try writing free verse for a while, then after you've written a few really good ones, go back to rhyming!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's sounds like you might be trying too hard!. If you took a little more time you can think of better rhyming words!. Otherwise you have a topic that really makes you think!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think your poem may be
under two names
Accusations: You already have
This poem is on not be able to turn
to anyone for help!.
There is so much shame
It is about fault
but regardless you will be to blame
The feeling of guilt because of
the foolish and numb
I see the fourth paragraph
when they can't see
I am referring to justice!.
Dying:
There are afew lines I can recognize on
this
I wish to be at peace
It can be a cruel world
The crying and mourning
All I want to do is to go away
and not endure anymore pain!.Www@QuestionHome@Com