Position:Home>Poetry> My second poem - any comments / tips?
Question: My second poem - any comments / tips!?
The parts in quotes are supposed to be italicized
MEMORIES
"A pointed glare
An angry word
A shout
A smash
A trickle of blood"
A windswept cliff
Under stormy sky
Devoid of life -
A fitting place
"An opened door
An empty bottle
A drunken yell
A shower of glass"
An iron gray sea
With 6 foot waves
So far below
So long to wait
"An open wound
A bloody face
A skeletal hand
A frantic glance"
The edge of the cliff
Nay, of the world
Relentless wind
Pushing, shoving
"A bolt for freedom
A sudden cry
A sob
A tear"
A single step
Could you rate it out of 10, please, and give any comments or tips!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
9, I like it! Maybe you could try to create more of a pattern!? If there already is one, try to make it more recognizable to the reader!. And if you want to make it more uniform, make each line have the same amount of syllables!. For example, your shorter lines!.!.!.instead of "a sob," you can add an adjective, perhaps, "shaken," so you have, "a shaken sob!." This could also add further interest to your poem, making your reader more pleased!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Excellent poem!
10/10
Your raw emotion is what captivates the reader! I love
"A frantic glance"
The edge of the cliff
Nay, of the world"
Your poem captures such emotion that the reader feels like they are experiencing it for themselves! The end leaves you craving more, the adjectives help to picture the scene, my only criticism: The quotation marks are misplaced!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
a suicide poem it seems, it very good very well thought out, and the word were heavy impact!.
10
its called memories so maybe you should put somwhere near the end on how this is a memory and how now you are still aliveWww@QuestionHome@Com
It is so dynamic 4 a single state of perception!.!. It is depressing!.!.
If U rhyming was better U 'd 'v gotten 8!. I'll give it a six even if it was written by Kafka ( a European novelist)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Don't write a third!. Please!.Www@QuestionHome@Com