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Question: How would you improve this Poem!?
I tried to use the villanelle form but I altered the lines that are meant to repeat slightly!.
"The Hero"
Cruel Fate has turned his back on me
Because he longs to hear me plead,
For he denies me gallantry,
Denies me immortality!.
And all my dreams he has parried!.
Cruel Fate has turned his back on me,
Denied me of my right to be,
But I still bow and beg and plead,
"Give me a life of gallantry!."
Am I but a fly to thee!?
Ignoble and unfit to lead!?
How can you turn your back on me!?
Grant me the opportunity,
The circumstance is all I need!.
Extend a chance for gallantry!.
Do not damn me to this ennui!
No longer shall you hear me plead!
Do not turn your back on me
And rob me of my gallantry!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's ok, very good choise of words, and the rhymes didn't seem forced, i could feel the desperation and anger in your stanzas!.
Don't get ahead of yourself and believe comments from people that say "this is the best thing ever written and expressed" Because it most certainly isn't!.
People who leave you comments like that are hurting your poetry, instead of encouraging you to improve!. Keep writing, i feel you have potential to be an extremley good writer!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love writing poems but NOTHING I have ever read has sounded so creative!. You have felt this poem!. You made it express and feel the power!. I felt a fire between my hands spark when I read this!. The only thing to improve is maybe add more adjectives, but not many!. You're a born writer and I applaud you for being so optimistic and creative!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
some of those 'me' s need to my 'my' s!. also, add another sentence to all of the sections accept the last one!. make it more modern english!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I felt this poem to be very powerful!. The reading was intense, but at the same time inspiring!. Keep up the good work, and keep the poem as is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOW this poem is so powerful!Www@QuestionHome@Com
soo GOODWww@QuestionHome@Com
i think its really good the way it is :)Www@QuestionHome@Com