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Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my little Summer Poem?Question: What do you think of my little Summer Poem!? Surfing crystal,
Blue ocean waves, After a sip of my, Sweet chardonnay, Soothing soft sand, Sieves through my toes, As the heat of the sun, Powders my nose, Tequila, Midori, Bourbon and beer, Celebrating as, Summer is here!. and nope, I don't need to see Alcaholic anonimous!. LOL : )Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Ah!.!.!.!.!.I can just feel that ocean breeze! Lovely! Haha! If you start slurring your words I'm going to have to call someone! :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com This poem is metrically very pleasant, and this line made me smile: `as the heat of the sun/powders my nose!.' If you don't mind a few reflections about rhythm: the first line is trochaic (it scans: `-`-); it is the only line which doesn't contain a dactyl (`--), and is also the only line that does not end on a downbeat (stressed syllable)!. I think the first line might benefit from more concordance with the rest of the poem, particularly in the second point!. A few places I would consider changing the metre for a more even effect: line 3, I would consider changing `after' to something like `and,' because otherwise the first beat of after overwhelms `sip!.' Line 11 doesn't have a clear stress pattern (I scan: --^-`); I might consider adding a stressed syllable to the beginning, such as `I'm celebrating, as!.!.!./' to get a clear dactylic effect!. I wouldn't normally presume like this, but you've achieved such a strong rhythmic effect already that I think I have a sense of your intentions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Summer Poem: In the summer what do you think of!? There are many things People spend more time outside like getting the outdoor work done so a person can go to the beach there is lots to do there!. going swimming boating surfing someone can go water skiing or surfing!. The summer can be hot so there people can quench their thirst with water, better yet lemonade A person can laying in the sun to get their tan but be careful you can get burned With lots of food to eat they can have a BBQ My summer poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Surfing crystal blue ocean waves after sipping sweet chardonnay Sharks looking funny eyes a googling better check the wine oh no! where's my bra! No rhythm to that just some fun! Beware the sun when alcohol is working!Www@QuestionHome@Com I liked it and nothing wrong with trying all the yummy drinks you listed! Loved your leisurely summer poem relaxing with a glass of Chardonnay at the beach!! Wish I was there feeling that sand between my toes!! Cheers !!!Www@QuestionHome@Com The first two parts are fine, but the ending needs work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Sounds like fun! No EWD here = Excessive Word Disorder, the New Poet's Disease!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I must find that beach, I must see if tequilla makes your clothes fall off!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |