Position:Home>Poetry> Does this poem make you dizzy?
Question: Does this poem make you dizzy!?
Trial of Sight
Part Nine
‘I will not stay still’
Cara’s mind wills her rise
she stands and the world about her…
spins
Grasping, unsighted, in her cage
she feels the black for some small vestige
to tell her something’s there
Hands meet stone
then metal bars
Another hand
“Who…!?”
Her mouth is closed for her
neither judge nor stranger,
a warm voice whispers
“Do you want them to know I am here!?”
-Most oddly shaped of them all but I did that to give the sense of dizziness, which Cara is now feeling… What do you think…
Blessed Be in a good equilibrium and Love and Light, SirenWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is so much scarier than what has come before!. It reminds me of something I once heard a man say, "I thought I was having a nightmare, and then I realized that I was awake!." So much is unclear!. Where is she!? Whose voice whose hand is that that closes her mouth!? Is it for her (their) safety!? Safety from whom or what!? Or is she a prisoner!? Imprisoned by whom!? And finally, what is the reality, is this it, or is this the dream!? Who is Cara!? Who is the other!? Who!? What!? Where!? When!? How!? Why!? There must be something happening here, but you don't know what it is!. Do you, Mr!. Jeff!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
You haven't really disrupted my equilibrium, but then I write like this all the time!. The story is keeping its intensity, I would only change the word unsighted!. I hit a stumbling block there!. Yes, I know, you're going for eloquent, and it is, but it's also a wee bit choppy!. blessed be!. And yes, I do want them to know you are here, always, with me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The end is an interesting development and a welcome relief from the unrelenting sense of foreboding of these poems!. I can feel Cara's spinning disorientation in this one as she tries to find her way in the darkness!. Now, I will be waiting to discover who is this new character!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Cara's thoughts are spinning madly enough to make her dizzy and disorientated as if she isn't already , by being thrust in a cage by an unknown pair of hands!. (but does she perhaps know the voice eh!?)
Gripping!.!.!.!.tense!.!.!.!.skilful!.!.!.!.cafted!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It made my eyes hurt from focusing on the screen lol
aw don't give me a thumbs down =( the poem was good!Www@QuestionHome@Com
the beginning did, but ti got better toward the end!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
im not dizzy --idk!.
good poem though :)Www@QuestionHome@Com