Critique My Poem: Kiss Me Good Bye?

Question: Critique My Poem: Kiss Me Good Bye!?

Kiss me good bye before you go away
Before the sun-set says farewell for the day
Kiss Me Good Bye
Look into my eyes
Before the darkness fills the sky
Before the moon light shine our face
When you go away
Send message of love
One day you will come back againWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This is very beautiful and deep!. I think it is kind of heartbreaking!. but dont despair!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's very sweet!.

My only major suggestion would be to change around line 3 and 4 (and a little added punctuation)so that it reads:

Kiss me goodbye before you go away,
before the sunset says farewell for the day!.
Look into my eyes,
kiss me good bye
before the darkness fills the sky;
before the moon lights up your face!.

And when you go away,
send me a message of love
that one day
you will come back again!.

To me the change in those two lines makes or breaks the flow of the piece and this is really quite a lovely love poem!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"Before the moonlight shine our face"
Doesn't my sense, you can change our to my, or your
Or change shine to shines and face to faces!.
Maybe break it into two stanzas!? "Send message of love, isn't a complete sentence either, but I love the imagery here, and the way it flows is nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

the end was a LITTLE weak but all in all i really liked it! it had lots of feeling but not a "cheesy" feel!.

how bout mine!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

SHER444,

I read more poems about love lost on this poet post than Divorce Court! This read is very short and sweet!. I hope you signed a pre-nup! Grade A -Www@QuestionHome@Com