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Question: (Tough poem) What does it say to you!?
Its very important to me that people understand what I'm trying to say!. Please, read my poem and tell me what feeling you recieve, and what message you get from the poem!.
The Birth of a God
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A smaller strain of consciousness forms my galaxies
Varied sentience, synergisic in me
The guise of self is cancer causing disunity
Spatial bodies, microcosms repeat
Our source of life evolving over time to get through
Double helix, whispered secrets in you
Those paranoid and predatory veiling the truth
Mind controlling, and distracting on cue
Another hidden presence communicating in dreams
Conscience crying, ego dying in me
A timeless influence from Nod is piercing through sleep
The overmind, underlying all things!.
Some crucial mysteries maintained outwardly unpursued
Space is yawning, spawning questions in you
The ruling hand of sheperds weeding out the confused
Inquisition, the imposition we chooseWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Only a small part of you, is forming what is going on around you
varied feelings are working together inside you
on the outside nothing is in accord with one another!.
People who are trying to represent God!.!.!?
the world is changing
spiraling, and your hearing so much
but people are just trying to cover up the truth
because they are too scared to face it,
they are trying to force everyone into ONE way of thinking
inside your battling yourself
because there are so many unsolved mysteries,
and God is just waiting, giving us more questions
and the people so close minded are
!?!?!?!?!?!?
that's a very confusing poem,
could you message or post what you were thinking when you wrote it!?
because at first I took it more as government related!.
then the religion part fell in!.
so I don't know how well I interpreted it,
but thats the beauty of poem!.
it can mean something different to everyoneWww@QuestionHome@Com
Perhaps your poem's title should have the little "g" for god!. I think I know where you are going in this poem, but you leave out a critical piece of information, and that is Who is superior to you and what (and how much) you know about Him (!?)
The poem also has a touch of sarcasm, and the overall feel is a cold and distant acceptance of something actually beautifully marvelous and yet to be discovered by a select few!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't want to sound like a meanie (I know, so mature), but it is just too wordy!. The message you are sending is probably good, but most people probably won't even finish it!. Those that do won't understand a single word!. Again, don't take this harshly, just simplify it, because most people aren't as smart as you or I!.!.!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's too esoteric
you don't trust your readerWww@QuestionHome@Com
Sorry!!! It just doesn't make sense to me!!! I don't understand the point you are trying to get across!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
The King In Yellow,
I love "The Birth Of A God", but I would have called it "The Birth Of A Celestial Body"!. That way we can have a broader mystery into the work!. You and I can only dream of what it would take to construct a god by birth because some men have claimed to have been gods and that would put the woman who birthed them on a whole new form of worship and order in the universe! I far as I am concerned, the woman's womb is a Universe Of Birth, is it not!? A celestial body can be a planet or a star or comet and in my definition, the birth of people! There are also grammatical errors and misspellings, so the big picture that your are presenting comes with the cost of near perfection! The soul can do all you have described, it can sleep, nuture, watch, inspire and exist!. Grade B+Www@QuestionHome@Com