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Question: Is this too disturbing!?
WARNING, DARK POEM AHEAD!
“Play House”
“Is this okay!?”
she asks
as he moves the covers
“It’s fine” he says
They lay
in unison
bending the barrier
of what is right
Discovering
too soon
what it feels like
She was only ten
he thirteen
as sky weeps on the night
of their death of child
and birth of corruption
Playing games,
they will never be clean
of the blood
of the fruit
of the tree
“Will mom ever know!?”
she asks
as he moves inside
“Will mom ever care!?”
Tow fathers
they call their own
one mother…
and they are not children
anymore
How has the world come to this!?
-Pleas do not be mad at me for the rawness of this… it is disturbing, I know this, but it is all too true!. I write about myself at times… and other times I write about others… I have just learned something new about people I thought I knew… and then this came to me… I am sorry if it disturbs you…
Blessed Be and Forgive me… SirenWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
How tragic, my heart cries out in pain for you!. Of course, I am not mad ay you at all, despite being disturbed by the content!. All I care about is that it was cathartic and healing to write!. You have such courage to share this with us!. I care about you!. You are not alone!. For your openness and honesty, thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really, really liked this!.!.!.and was not at all repulsed!. It wasn't 'disturbing,' simply for the fact that it reveals the truth about some of society's problems!.
I give it full points (well, I would if I used the point system!.!.!.) with the exception of one typo/another thing i don't understand!. In the fifth line from the bottom, you say "tow fathers!." Did you mean "to fathers," or am i just not getting the meaning of the 'tow'!?
Sorry for being so unperceptive!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I guess this sort of thing - happens in many families - we just are not aware of it!. The parents might not be aware of it!. I just learned that this happened in a family - I have known for over 35 years!. One of the children (now grown) had to get a few things off their chest - this was one of them!. ?Www@QuestionHome@Com
You do not need to change yourself to appease others-others cannot be mad about something that is hard to digest-They just need to learn to chew better!. Yes its a little dark, but it was haunting and I thought well wriiten!. Do not censor yourself or apologize for what you write and who you areWww@QuestionHome@Com
It isn't too dark, and not that disturbing!. I actually thought it was pretty amazing!. I am a pretty big fan of yours, and I must say this was an absoluetly amazing poem!. Great job! I'd give it a five out of five =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
its not disturbing because sadly things like this happen!. but its nice to know you can make something so unpleasant to something Rather nice with your words!. good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This is rather tame!.!.!.!. there was some guy on here a couple months back who confessed to molesting his sisters about 4 years ago!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sadly, things like that happen!.Art is Art!. But please write about kittens next time!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I sincerely hope you are taking the piss otherwise see a shrink prontoWww@QuestionHome@Com
Not rly that disturbing, good structure tho!.Www@QuestionHome@Com