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Question: Critique my poem, please be honest! thanks!!?
Wrapped up in a dream,
I’m falling away,
Further from reality,
I’m never coming back!.
It’s peaceful here, and quite serene,
I really am enjoying this!.
This much needed silence,
Isn’t quiet at all:
It’s the tone of laughter,
The soundtrack of my happiness,
The crickets chirping on a warm summer night,
The voice of a friend long forgotten,
It’s all of this and so much more;
The dream of what used to be!.
So I'll close my eyes for one more night,
So I can find myself in your arms,
Then awaken to a harsh reality!.
<3
~an average girlWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Mostly, I think, it is overly general and abstract with little in the way of specific or concrete imagery!.
I think The soundtrack of my happiness is an original and effective line!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
1!. Divide it into stanzas
For example:
" I'm never coming back"!. (last line of 1st stanza)
" It's peaceful here and quite serene"!. (first line of 2nd stanza)
" The dream of what used to be"!. (last line of 2nd stanza)
"I'll close my eyes for one more night"!. (first line of 3rd stanza) (also, leave out the first "So"!.
2!. leave out a couple of lines that repeat your previous expression and don't add any relevent meaning!.
For example:
leave out "I really am enjoying this"!.
leave out "The dream of what used to be"!.
All in all, it has good expression and stong emotion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it is good,5 out of ten!.I can make it better if you like!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
awww!. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'm not a poetry expert but I think its pretty coolWww@QuestionHome@Com