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Question: I wrote this cool thing yesterday!. what does everyone think about it!?
she reaches out with no love for me
in her window a broken frame
tail end of a hurricane
she's going again

out the door
she leaves me clueless
in a mist of tasteless distrust
scared people frowning all around
i get up i get down
i get up i get down
crossing bridges
of broken homes
failing fortune
leaves me alone
along the stretch
the latest mile
we hope for more and i just let her smile

tall orders
never filled
we're the witty
we're the skilled
I'm the broken
without a home
find me one
or leave me alone
yet make this one better
this is a dream
but i won't wake up
or so i believe

sipping glasses of henesey
feeling like the rappers
i call some p's
none get lucky
we just waste away
all the cocaine
we've been up for day's

the latest news hits the streets
i want more money
or so it keeps
better relationships
when you're in deep
but f**k what's money without sleep
a place to stay
but we lie
hardly manage to close our eyes
this binge is over
my roommate says

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
the subject was a girlfriend and then she kinda got lost in it somewhere!.!.!.
it was sounding like the makings of a song till i got to the end and then i was well !.!.!. the last line sucked and ruined it totally!.!.
so go back into it and revamp it from the beginning and don't loose the subject this time!.!.!. the girl friend:I and try not to make it sound like you on a binge drinking party eather!.!.!.
you just got lost in it!.!.!.
at the middle you were on a roll!.!.!.!.
reread it and think about it in a sober state!.!.!.
cheers
mysticWww@QuestionHome@Com

yes it is lovely and soothing it made me go to sleepWww@QuestionHome@Com

I like itWww@QuestionHome@Com