Do You Like My Poem I Wrote?

Question: Do You Like My Poem I Wrote!?

You Are The Sun

You are the sun, the sun that beams,
You are the sea, the sea that gleams,
You are the wind, that blows through the trees,
You are the clouds, that float in the breeze!.

You are the light, that sparkles and glows,
You are the red, the red in the rose,
You have the key, the key to my heart,
You just complete me, let's never part!.

You are my angel, you are my love,
You are my pureness, you are my dove,
Let's fly away, get away from it all,
Just like a mountain, you make me stand tall!.

You are my ocean, you are my wave,
You feel so lonely, I wish to save,
There is one thing, that it is so true,
You keep me going, I'll always love you!.

You are the sun, the sun that beams,
You are the sea, the sea that gleams,
You are the wind, that blows through the trees,
You are the clouds, that float in the breeze!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

man , thats the best poem i have ever heard , keep it up you may need it for your wife/girlfriend , nothing makes more then a poem to make them happier!.

expessically if their in it =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

too long!. and the beginning got a little dull after you used it on EVERY single line!. also you need to make it personalized for whatever girl your giving it to!. drop her name or nickname in there and try to make her laugh at teh end by putting in an inside joke!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

well the nice answer is yes it is pretty!.!.!.the real answer is that it's way too easy!.!.!.you have not done anything a million others have not!.!.!.if you like writing then please try to push yourself and find more inside!.!.!.!.never really worry about what others think!.!.!.!.!.just feed off the way it makes you feel!.!.!.!.!.that is the key to real poetry!.!.!.!.your soul on pages!.!.!.!.!.!.!.peaceWww@QuestionHome@Com

its beautiful ^-^ the third stanza is my absolute favorite
maybe you could put 'the red in my nose' instead (second stanza) and 'you i wish to save' instead(fourth stanzaWww@QuestionHome@Com

That was very good try to not make everything so rymie lol but it was very good loved it! :)
xoxoxo maya?Www@QuestionHome@Com

thats Beautiful :)

very meaningful too!.
well done mate

xWww@QuestionHome@Com

Its good! good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

its kind of repetitive!.!.!. gets boring to readWww@QuestionHome@Com

IT IS VERY NICE !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's kind of simple, but not bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, it's very original and that must of took a lot of time and effort! GREAT JOB AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! =)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, i love it!. You should consider a writing career!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Awww it is SO adorable!. You are a great poem writer!
I love itWww@QuestionHome@Com

its a little cheesy but i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com

very nice poem, like it!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i love itWww@QuestionHome@Com

awww i love it! i wish a guy would write that for me !!! lolWww@QuestionHome@Com

It isn't terrible, but nothing is that good about it either!. It looks like you've just started!. It actually looks like you've been reading poetry for a couple of months and decided to try it yourself!. The reason I say this is cause you do have a structure, and you do have attempts at imagery!. It looks like the reader started to understand basic techniques tried to become the poet!.

There's some really terrible lines in there like:

You just complete me, let's never part!.

You are my pureness, you are my dove,

and

You feel so lonely, I wish to save,

But there is some alright lines in there, too!. Nothing special, but because of the simplistic wording and concept(s) everyone understands it made them alright!. For example:

Let's fly away, get away from it all,

The better lines in this are the ones that didn't have any real attempt imagery or any type of writing technique, it was the wording that carried them!.

All-in-all, it's a good attempt and I appreciate the sentiment in it, but you didn't pull it off very well!. Due to you understanding the techniques, I'd say that you have potential!. You just need more creative imagery and better concepts!. Instead of thinking of simple concepts and then just rhyming with it, try to think of more complex concepts, then think of a way to word it so that it's more hard hitting, and then think of a set up, which doesn't have to be so complex, and try to word that right, too!.Www@QuestionHome@Com