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Question: Do you like this,,its me ,!?
Never mind she said
All the time she has no argument,
All the time she is happy
She never gets upset
Or hurt
Because that’s what she doesn’t allow herself to be
Days
And weeks, years she is happy
Everyone must see her smile on her face
When she puts on her pc
She starts to write and cry
She throws the mask away
She wishes
That she is strong enough
To tell everyone
That she is angry
Hurt
Sad
And can’t face another day in her life anymore
But how can she possibly do that
When the next morning comes
She starts to smile again
Take the burdens
Give
And laugh
And be the sweet as ever
Time gone
And she is no more the sweet
She cant take it anymore
She works now hard to set limits for others
She is angry
And hurt and she cant stop yelling
No matter what fear she faced
Its over now
She is no more the silent
The happy
All the crap
Went a way with windWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Its just my opinion but I think you should cut everything after 'everyone must see her smile' and then give us a visual of what she's like!. For example:
everyone must see her brittle smile
like the thinnest ice over an angry winter
or
everyone must see her smile and detour
avoiding the plainest wreckage

Anyway, you don't have to like either of those--but just get the idea!. When you tell us about her making herself smile you don't also need to tell us that she isn't really smiling on the inside--you loose power by over-explaining it!. Convey the pain of the falseness she feels more completely!. Save her transformation for another poem!. Thats my bit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow is very nice congrulations!!!!

helppp meeeeehttp://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow, that's really good! It has alot of emotion to it! I love writing poetry too! ?Www@QuestionHome@Com

looks like a shopping listWww@QuestionHome@Com

i liked it until the end and i kinda lost you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com