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Question: New poem! about being bitter!?
please give me input, i'm not very good at this!
this one rhymes!!
Oh you walk through the halls
like you own them
It's so disgusting and pathetic
how you control him
and you wear the hottest clothes
they must've cost so much money
trading in your brains for beauty
i'd never let them do that to me
your college essay is senseless
and you sit here and laugh at the nerds
go ahead apply more makeup
at least they can do what they need to be heard
you will rot at 45
with a rich husband, his secretary's easy
you will hate your children,
cause makeup never worked on anyone so sleazy
he's so much more amazing
than you play him out to be
you are being such a b*tch
and his clouded eyes can't see
you won't quit running your mouth
i'm gonna cut your tongue right out
i'm a small girl who's only vicious
and you couldn't win one fight precious
I know, for sure you are the best
everyone's dying to be yours
but how unbelievable that i'm better
and it's hard to be better than the rich wh*resWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi, Helloronii!.
I must be honest with you, friend!.!.!. I liked your previous poem much more!. The rhymes in this one are very loose!.!.!. I guess just very much more so than I expected from your introductory statement!. Loose rhymes can be okay, if that is the style you are aiming for -- I just wasn't expecting it!.
The sentiment of this poem is accurate to the title -- bitterness -- but remember, bitterness is never a good thing!. It is very unhealthy, laying around the back of one's mind like some great, deep pool of virulent acid that burns you every time you accidently step in it!. Take my advice: Drain the pit!. Get rid of the acid!. It will make life much happier!.
Finally, there is your use of apostrophes: "*" never fooled anyone, especially when it's only wiping out one middle letter!. Perhaps it would be better if you replaced the whole word!. Use a synonym, perhaps!. Or wipe the whole word out with a * for each letter (which will definitely get your sentiment across! Particularly when the missing word rhymes with "yours"!)
Anyway, those are my thoughts!. So I liked your earlier poem better -- I still look forward to seeing more from you!
barjesse37Www@QuestionHome@Com
GOOD ONE!.!.!. YOU SHOULD HAVE THAT PUBLISHED!. I LIKE THE ONE ABOUT CUTTING THE TONGUE RIGHT OFF!.!.!. BITTER!? NOT HARDLY, YOU ARE TALKING REALITY!.!.!. GLAD YOU POSTED THIS!. ITS GREAT, GOT ANYMORE!? lol
GOOD LUCKWww@QuestionHome@Com
I absolutely love it! I think you have a real talent!. I adore the last four stanzas!.
It's fantastic, keep it up! Can't wait to read more!Www@QuestionHome@Com
that is so amazing! =) u r very talented!! and this is all so very true!!! lol!
good job!! =)keep it up!
?Www@QuestionHome@Com