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Question: What do u think about my poem!?!?!?
this is a poem that i wrote about my grandpa [[that i never met]]
Is it fair i never met you!?
i never even got to tell you hi
I wonder if the stories are true
about how you lived your life
Full of fun and love
but it wasn't long enough
destroyed by sickness and lies
you never got to tell the ones you loved goodbye
if my dreams would have come true
I would have met you
we would have spent time together
morning dat and night
no matter the weather
rain snow and shin
me and you spending time together
did you ever think of me existing!?
think of me being here right now
maybe your listening to me
some way somehow!?
thats all i got soo far, and this is my second real poem that i have ever wrote!. please tell me what you think about it and be honest!. [[trust me, i don't get my feeling hurt easily!.]]
oh and this was my first poem i wrote 2 years ago!.
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The poem brought tears to my eyes so I would say its a good one!., a very good poem with a lot of depth!. More depth than most of the people replying will ever know!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think the rhyme scheme is a bit simplistic!. I love rhyming poetry but it must have more substance for it too work or its sounds to sing song!. There are parts are really like, I just don't think the rhyme works!. You could free verse it!. ( I think never got to say hi, the word hi just isnt strong enough)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I never met my paternal grandfather!. I always used to cry about that!. I am very conscious of it!. So!.!.!.to me this poem contains no real depth or symbolism and is a huge disservice to your gandfather!.
also, "Rain, snow and shin"!? Do you mean to say "Rain, snow or shine"!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
THAT'S GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ITS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TERRIFIC!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i love the begining but the end not to much
but overall it was really goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
it's good!.
read for my poem at: haritsanwar!.multiply!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
that brings soooo many tears to my eyes jk keep up the good workWww@QuestionHome@Com
When I write about the passing of a loved one, even if it was horrendous!. I still fantasized about kind emotions and beautiful thoughts!.!.!.!.You must never be negative! Maybe this will help you along!.!.!.!.I stole the title from an Eric Clapton song, but I added an extra father!.
My Father's Father's Eyes
I never got to see
What you would mean to me
And all I do is sigh
No hello or goodbye
Sometimes the world's not fair
Why couldn't you be there!?
Emotions hard to save
So much you could have gave
What I've give
To see my father's father's eyes
The ancient wisdom of words so wise
I look into the skies!.!.!.
Blue as my father's father's eyes
Wrap me in angel's wings
I wish for many things
If I could turn back time
I'd stop your soul from dying
And if the Lord allowed
I'd bring you back somehow
I want you here right now
I'd want to make you proud
What I've give
To see my father's father's eyes
The ancient wisdom of words so wise
I look into the skies!.!.!.
Blue as my father's father's eyes
BRIDGE:
When I awaken to see you there
Your arms outstretched
Like clouds in the air
While away the hours
Until the night
I'll close my eyes
You'll leave my sight
Could you come back again!.!.!.
Some nights I feel alone
His smile's like going home
I'd tell him everything and he'd say
Your secret's safe with me
What I've give
To see my father's father's eyes
The ancient wisdom of words so wise
I look into the skies!.!.!.
Blue as my father's father's eyes
My father's father's eyes!.!.!.
You may use it with my permission!. I write all the time because it comes easy for me!. If you want to talk about poetry or lyrics, my e-mail is always open!.!.!. Ciao -Www@QuestionHome@Com