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Question: Ok I Don't mind If You Dislike This, But Only Constructive Critcism Welcome!?
Fingers numb catching for the latch
Line after line, lying in bed to sleep off
The forces tugging one way to the next

Brilliant blue sky trapped by the sea
Set of to sail in his beautiful ship afloat
The T!.V!. visions scream, dying to be famous or free

Surrounded by a crowd so large my mind blanks out
Music fades through, headache turning uncontrollable too
Wishing to jump across the running freight train; be collected in pieces

Burn the bible no, you can’t do that, and it contains a truth!
Ghosts haunt you one day to take you off set you down away
Blood inside ain’t red its blue stay collected but never keep to the truth


When I first got caught in the trap, I never wished to break the spell
But know I’ve been trapped again, in a dream that I want to believe isn’t true
It can’t be better than the last time to true to true

Missing the tobacco cough caught in the back of by throat
Burning my thoughts from black to you
Burning my thoughts from lies to truth

The lady of the snow cold and alone
She cries every night; the freeze has its own hold
When the summer comes the lady of the snow has to run

I wasn’t asked to go but I followed, my curiosity all along
But they said it killed the cat, and fear grips, despite it all
I surely don’t have nine lives, just the one and it’s!.!.!.!.

And Regina’s words go round again, torturing me
I hate the music cuz when you catch a tune
You sing along until your head turns to

Now slow down, I’m too cautious to being going so fast
Wake every day at a time set by the few, by the few
Wash, eat, leave, go home, eat and sleep!.

Eyes falling into a daze, unfocused on the!.!.!.
Spacing on her hair long blond
Unfocused at a task at hand

Fingers numb catching for the latch
Line after line, lying in bed to sleep off
The forces tugging one way to the nextWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Like your other contributions, this is powerful and insightful, but suffers from excess verbiage!.
You will increase the effect sought considerably if you carefully consider which words are 100% necessary, and which can be coalesced into a briefer but more potent expression!. That, after all, is what poetry is all about: the maximum effect with the minimum word-count!.!.
Look at some T!. S!. Eliot and Ezra Pound poems: economy of words, full effect!.
Otherwise, good stuff!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like this!. It's scatterbrained!.!.!. but in a good way I think!. It kinda sounds like a random train of thought, where one thing triggers a memory to another and so on!.

It's interesting, I love the way you use images and emotions!.!.!. the combination of the abstract and tangible is really great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Horah, for randomness is what I think about it! *waves randomness* I can tell you have a very unique wrighting style for this poem!. It is good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow nice little poem you got there!. Well did you write it yourself!? I'm a little confused, but it's impressive anyway!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its missing a certain panache!. You try a better central theme, maybe!? Shorten it a bit!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, that's really good! Great work there, very impressive :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com