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Position:Home>Poetry> Mixed haiku - Not all exciting but what do you think?Question: Mixed haiku - Not all exciting but what do you think!? Give honest opinions please:
1!.) Springs efflorescence, Prestige, graceful bloom, desired, Distilled wine ferments!. 2!.) Birds fueled by fire, Crows singing songs of winter, Black tar inspissates!. 3!.) Mosaic image, Midst Conscious, subconscious realm Vague, autumn hue swirl!. 4!.) Spontaneity Emotions escalating, Summer enjoyment, 5) swift mobile carriage winter Chipping birds distreased!. "Are we there yet dad"Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: First of all, you don't need to capitalize the first letter of each stanza in Haiku!.!.!.that's because the original Japanese didn't have capitals!. In a Haiku, the first two lines are supposed to create an image, the third line creates a parallel image to the first!. Haiku #4 does this, although the punctuation needs to go away!. The other poems are in Haiku "form", but I'd question their being actual Haiku or not!. The first poem creates images alright, but the breakup of the words by commas, the lack of flow, and the apparent unrelatedness of the first image with the one created in line three throws it off!. In poem 2, your images are inconsistant!.!.!."birds fueled by fire" and "crows singing songs of winter" are two images, not one, and "inspissates" (good word!.!.!.I had to look it up!), to make thicker, appears once again unrelated or unconnected!. Poem 3 has a parallel third line, but the first two create a "mosaic" image that is a little undefined!. This one "could" be considered a Haiku!.!.!.but might be improved by changing the second line to read something like, "tween conscious and subconscious", and again, drop the punctuation!. Poem 5 is cute (one typo: distressed), but the quote in line three keeps it from being Haiku!. There is nothing wrong with writing in a Haiku form and it not being a Haiku!.!.!.as long as you understand the difference!. All were nice to read!.!.!.keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com I don't care if you say it's not exciting, it is!!!! I Love It!!! It seems that the Haikus go smooth fluently my favorite ones are Springs efflorescence, Prestige, graceful bloom, desired, Distilled wine ferments Birds fueled by fire, Crows singing songs of winter, Black tar inspissates Spontaneity Emotions escalating, Summer enjoyment Keep on working!!!! =]Www@QuestionHome@Com Word choices: efflorescence!? distilled wine!? You have the seasons covered with a nice refrain at the end from the "chirping" birds!. Not bad, just question a couple of words choices, but that is your choice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |