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Question: Poetry- opinion needed!?
I wish I hadnt said what I did
but my life is in jeopardy
im spinning in circles
im over my head
and as i said
im sorry i said what i said
but i was aching inside
and i felt so not alive
although im sorry
i wouldnt take back the tears i made you cry
im sorry
What did I do
that made you so mad
what did i do
that made you so sad
how i get here
with you today
i love you a lot
could you take me back
whatever i did
i know now it was a mistake
ive never been happier to live today
SO PLEASE baby, have a heart
in someway
I wont follow your footstep
I wont let you lead the way
id be happier lost
then knowing i did it in my own way
whatever you do
isnt even you
thats why im leading my own way!
My life is passing me by
I sat here on this step looking at the sky
I didnt move
or make a sound
for I lost everything
id ever lovedWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is very good!. I like the repetition is the I's and You's, but I feel it would have benefitted more from an actual form to illustrate and emphasize the repititious feeling of the speaker toward their lover - I would suggest a villanelle form, which rests on two repeating lines that alternate ending stanzas!. However, this is really good and with all poetry you should only change was you feel best suits your need!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Are you rambling abit!? Thinking your thoughts out loud!? Talk it over with whom the poem is for and then re-write!. You have started well, but it needs a lot of work!. Not meant to be critical, but helpful!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
that sounds like a song to me buddy, why don't you sell it !. offer that to your favorite band or just make the music and sing it yourself!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like the sincerity of the poem, and I hope it all turns out well for you!. Great job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com