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Question: Is this poem a keeper, or a bleeper!?
Father dear -
A crisp river runs wild!.
I sit beneath a palm,
looking on with a smile,
past the long grown grass,
intermixed with flowers,
While breezes pass,
My gaze tracks two deer!.
A buck laps up water,
so far from fear!.
A fawn plays near
its father the steer!.
And then and there,
from out of nowhere
a gun goes off!.
The fawn
is gone,
and I get up!.
Crisp river runs wild,
and I walk off!.
The fatherless deer
grazes off in the woods!.
And I can't do a thing,
but I wish I could!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Its a keeper!. i like how it all falls together!. Like eventually everything rhymes!. idk what im talking about but i really, really like it =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hi,
It's a sure keeper!.
very picturesque, where you can visualize yourself, being in the surroundings of your poem!. That's where i want to be right now in a tranquil environment over seeing the crystal water under a palm tree, listen to nature sing and a glass of Chardonnay!.
Well done!. : )
Well DoneWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's pretty good!. except i don't really like the line "my gaze tracks two deer" it feels like it doesn't flow with the rest of the poem!. and also it's a bit strange in the middle when all of a sudden all the lines rhyme!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its a keeper!. Good Job:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
very good and well put togetherWww@QuestionHome@Com
a sure keeperWww@QuestionHome@Com
a keeper a great well written poem keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com