Position:Home>Poetry> Can you please answer some questions bout my poem?
Question: Can you please answer some questions bout my poem!?
I'm trying to make a Haiku here:
As solstice cycles
Offering faces of Earth
secrets unrevealed
The spring shouted joy
to bees' and butterflies' dream
of sweet savoury
Long day of summer
Reflected on a boy's face
Salty tears of life
Fall of pretty leaves
The Earth's face covered with gold
Soon reign by the snow
On All Hallows' Day
Virgin snow Sky God bestow
Console mortal wrath
My questions are:
1!. Shud it be OF instead of TO in front of the word BEES'!?
2!. Is this poem too straightforward!?
Answers and comments are appreciated!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
There is a difference between writing Haiku and writing in a Haiku form!. Only poem 3 might be considered a "Haiku", the others merely use the Haiku form!.
A Haiku should contain no capital letters as the original haikus were written in a language that didn't use capital letters!. This "rule" is commonly broken, but purists will notice if you don't comply!. also, the first two lines of a haiku should create a single image, so the third line can create a parallel image that sheds new light or perspective on the first image!.!.!.this is called a "turn"!. Line three of the poem should not be a continuation of lines 1 and 2, it should be a line that could stand alone, offering its own image, not independent, but rather a mirror from another angle!. Poem 3 does that, the others do not, although poem 1 almost does that!.
Finally, anyone who can correctly spell "straightforward" should be able to spell "should" (not "shud")!.!.!.don't get lazy with your spelling :) you're too good for that!.
Your images are okay, just go back and edit the other poems so they create the same sort of parallel thoughts as poem 3!.
!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
i like "to" just because you use "of" in the very next line!. i like this poem a lot!. it's not too straightforward!. it's lovely!. at first, the part about mortal wrath confused me, but now, i think it is intriguing, it inspires careful throught from the reader!. a nice way to end!.!.!.on a question!.
hey kevin, the reason that ppl abbreviate when typing informally is because it's faster and more efficient, and also, some of us have carpal tunnel and try to limit finger movement when possible!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think your poem is fine the way that it is!.it has a lot of thought put into it and it seems real not too straightforward!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
of instead of to
and
no its a really good poem :)Www@QuestionHome@Com