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Position:Home>Poetry> I need feedback on this poem please?Question: I need feedback on this poem please!? Wasted Life
I had such promise, I threw it away, Such a wasted life, Such a sunny day!. I lay in the dirt to hide My scars, eternally banned From joining the stars!. I cannot compete, My language is dead, Trampled beneath Mediocrity’s tread!. I have no love, I have no anchor, I have no one to stand, And fight off the rancor!. Just me alone, an army of one, Like trying to spit, And put out the sun!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: 'Like trying to spit, and put out the sun' - what a terrific line!. It is so vivid!. Great image!. I have felt this poem!. I have lived this poem!. Here's to life getting better!Www@QuestionHome@Com The rhyming of the words anchor and rancor was just too forced!. I believe if you hadn't rhymed, the poem would have been more geniune!. It's like the stereotyping that you HAVE to rhyme in a poem!. In this one, I believe it to be fully unnessecary, for you had enough to make up for not rhyming!. But the feeling behind this poem was very strong!. Based on true emotions, is it not!? And the way you ended it with 'Like trying to spit, and put out the sun' was perfect! Rythmically it ties up the poem very well, and it is such a creative line!. I very much enjoyed reading it!Www@QuestionHome@Com That was amazing!. But you should make the title more intreging (I know there's a U somewhere in that word, lawl)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Not great, just okayWww@QuestionHome@Com i like it, but its not the greatestWww@QuestionHome@Com wow!.!.!. deep!.!.!.!. great poem I wish I could write that well!Www@QuestionHome@Com |