Poem ....?good or bad need your opinion?

Question: Poem !.!.!.!.!?good or bad need your opinion!?

its about my feelings about life what do you think is missing something!.!.

I got this deep pain I cant seem to explain
Its like I m stuck on a chain attached to
An airplane that’s going to change my life
Once again but I’m not going to take life in
Vain I’m going to obtain more flame
That some day is going to give me fame
For who I became not for who I blamed…Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I love the line "for who I became not for who I blamed!.!.!."

I have a problem with "I got this deep pain!.!."!. if there are grammar issues it takes away from the impact of the poem!.

But it is a strong an interesting poem!. It could use a little work, but it's good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The deepest pain,i can"t explain!.
In truth around me like a chain!.

A airplane ride,with life to change
To take a life in vain!.

I going now with flame no more!.
Some days will never come!.

A day with fame,a day for us!.
Well fill the shame the same!.
In life
in rain
What for
The blame!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well, it's got some good rhyming, but you need to put all the words that rhyme at the end of the lines, not at the start!. Otherwise, it's just distracting!. Looking good so far though! XDWww@QuestionHome@Com

The content is good,however,thee should be cognizant that you cannot put abbreviations in a poem as few people do it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

There is something about the layout that is not quite right, but on the whold its quite good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's a good poem, it's better than I could do!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Not the worst poem in the world could us some inprovment on the form thoughWww@QuestionHome@Com

My eyes are bleeding!.!.!. That was terrible!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

sounds like a rapWww@QuestionHome@Com