Wrote this last night, what do you think?

Question: Wrote this last night, what do you think!?

Optimisim!.
Bright eyes,
no lies,
sunny day,
month of May,
the good side,
of knowing you died,
a big smile,
a happy child,
ice cream,
a lovely dream!.
And love!.

Pessimism!.
A dark place,
no grace,
frowns and sorrow,
no tomorrow,
a dark sky,
the last goodbye,
black and gray,
push the sun away,
many years,
many more fears!.
And hate!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like the rhyme pattern!. Pretty sweet!.
But constructive criticsm- try maybe to focus your imagery around one area!. For example optimism- an open field in the month of may!.
Pessimism- a rainy day!.
Use strong details of those two, and eliminate any random thoughts!.
Good draft!

Now just to be a little more critic, I would take out "and love" "and hate" part!. The reason is that the words love and hate have been used soooo much in poetry that they are considered "cliche" or overused!. # 1 rule in poetry, show don't tell!. So u can take the "and love part" because your imagery is already strong enought to make the reader conclude that love is present!. So is w/ hate!.
But hey, you don't have to do what others tell u, it's your poem, u have a better feel 4 it than anyone else!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow, very creative, origional, and flawless

dont change anything!!!

its pure perfectionWww@QuestionHome@Com

This is beautiful! You go girl!Www@QuestionHome@Com