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Position:Home>Poetry> Hmmm, I liked it when I worte it, but I'm having second thoughts.?Question: Hmmm, I liked it when I worte it, but I'm having second thoughts!.!? Round as each tear drop
as each rain drop Round as the world does spin, Round as the sun and the curves of the clouds Round as his eyes, so stunning and gentle Round as forever, as a shpere has no end!. This ring, this happiness, it will last forever, Looking at it now, I want to change it!. What do you think!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It`s excellent!. I love it just the way it is!. It`s a nice engagement poem!. it reminds me of a hallmark!. It might need some grammatical changes but that`s about it!. Don`t expect me to give you advice on how to make it good grammatical!. i suck at that subject!. lol Round as each tear drop (and) as each rain drop Round as the world does spin, Round as the sun and the curves of the clouds!. Round as his eyes, so stunning and gentle!. Round as forever, as a sphere has no end!. This ring, this happiness, it will last forever!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I think would change the second line to "Round as each rain drop" and the final line to "This ring and this happiness will it last forever!? I really like this it has a certain resonance which caught my attention hope that helps Philip!. Oh and one for you!. I'm not really grumpy you know in fact I am a hopeless romantic as I think are you!. To Find Someone By Philip Franklin How do you find someone, who is special!? You can write her a poem You can write her a song You can take her to concerts You can talk with her till dawn You can bear your soul You can go with the flow You can listen to her story And perhaps see her glow How do you find someone, who is special!? Maybe a word maybe a sigh Maybe a glint that lightens her eye Maybe her touch, warm and true Maybe the look that tells you it’s you Maybe the feeling that; you are not a fool I know how to find someone who is special She choose me am I the exception!? No I think she is my benediction And I love her!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I liked the many creative metaphors of this prose!. Each one had precise connected imagery!. I was never one for repetition of a single word, especially as one as dull as round, but I think you diminished my dislike, with those metaphors!. Great poem!. 8!.9Www@QuestionHome@Com Its pretty good, but i don't know whatv your poems about!. And it isn't showing much emotion or deapth!. Over all, its pretty good and like the structure!. Just give it alittle more emotion into what its about!.Www@QuestionHome@Com If you're having second thoughts, I'd say write a few new poems and see if you like them better!. The most important thing is that you're sure about it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Itworks for you 7+Www@QuestionHome@Com |