| Question Home |
Position:Home>Poetry> My poem "My Sea, My Sea" please comment cheers :)..?Question: My poem "My Sea, My Sea" please comment cheers :)!.!.!? I wrote it last night, i like it a bit,, what do you think!?
My Sea, My Sea Twas from seas of west whom blew thy waves from its mighty chest blown over sandy graves!. Thunder echoes thy skies and darkness it lights and waves they rise day darkens to nights!. My sea, my sea, i look you scatter debry on lands lap by lap thy waves took on washed up sands!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The image is powerful and the rhythm is like the rolling of the waves!. A small poem of twelve lines written in iambic tri-meter, and well-rhymed is a crown on the head of the vast and grand Poseidon ! The personification is vivid and truly woven, - ie one by one the images keep rolling like the waves from which they rise!. In the first stanza, one feels a giant is lying down, breathing heavily and sending out mighty waves over the land's sandy graves!. Next the fifth line is really enignmatic and mystic!. Thy skies, ie!. the sea's skies echoes in symphony with thunder as an answer!. Then on one side the darkness is lighted by the lightnings, and the gigantic waves darkens the day like nights!. here again the day is in singular, but night is in plural!.That gives a totally a different shade and meaning!. last four lines as thoughlike the repeatation of the sea's continuous musing roar, lap by lap washes the sands!. the whole movement of the poem is grave, majestic , dignified , and powerfully breaking on the inner ear of our heart's soul!. I am reminded of a poem by Lord Tennyson on the sea : Break, Break, Break Break, break, break, On thy cold gray stones, O Sea! And I would that my tongue could utter The thoughts that arise in me!. O, well for the fisherman's boy, That he shouts with his sister at play! O, well for the sailor lad, That he sings in his boat on the bay! And the stately ships go on To their haven under the hill; But O for the touch of a vanish'd hand, And the sound of a voice that is still! Break, break, break At the foot of thy crags, O Sea! But the tender grace of a day that is dead Will never come back to me!. --- Alfred, Lord Tennyson Lord Tennyson was known to work and polish and repolish his poems!. So his poem is well finished and easy to understand, but peronally the mysticism, the grand peronification in your poem I find it vast like its subject!. I have another poem which measures its size like in yours!. i shall quote the beginning and the end of that long poem : To the Sea O grey wild sea, Thou hast a message, thunderer, for me!. Their huge wide backs Thy monstrous billows raise, abysmal cracks --------------------------------------!.!.!. I will seize thy mane, O lion, I will tame thee and disdain; Or else below Into thy salt abysmal caverns go, Receive thy weight Upon me and be stubborn as my Fate!. I come, O Sea, To measure my enormous self with thee!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like this but I don't think it needs the "twas", it lessens the tone of the poem to me!. I also think "whom" is missed used here, grammatically!. all in all though a very nice poem, keep it up for I would love to read more of the sameWww@QuestionHome@Com Good writing, keep up the good and master it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com @ndii, you asked this question already some where else, i answered there!haWww@QuestionHome@Com |