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Question: Fresh poem, care to critique!?
Against his back
a pack of problems accumulate!.
Tied to his body they cling
to his mental reins!.
Heaved into a spacious pack,
sorrow falls
and chain straps strain!.
If the pack does pull,
but body does not,
he will collaspe to the ground!.
If he dare does stop,
it best be to take
the bricks of malice out!.
With each step, in increased gravity,
his legs weaken!.
The only escape is to go against,
his cement reality!.
His only hope, to reach,
to strive, on towards
a life not livin!.
Marching evermore,
his burden slowly alleviates!.
No reasons left to morn,
from his strains he deviates!.
This is a free verse poem, I just wrote!. Does it need more lines, maybe!?!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it made me think of high school student carrying all of their books on their back, and how much drudge work those books contain!. :) i loved it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is not stupid, free verse is a solid and important form of poetic expression! It sounds good, I like your emotion!. Part of the fun of free verse and poetic prose is that the author can chose the end!. In my opinion you are just fine without the extra verses!. Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nahh, It's good!. You don't need to ad anything!. Personally I think its awesome!. Very talented!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's stupid sorry!. It sounds like your talking or telling a story!. Not really a poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Really nice!. Problems do make us feel like this poem!. Great way to express that overburdened emotion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com