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Question: What do you think of this poem I wrote!? Warning: It's long!. Criticism welcome!.!?
When man becomes mechanical and loses all emotion
In the face,
We will see blandness and blank-eyed stares,
Unfeeling not seeing and perceiving pain through
Plastic-painted eyes!.
What then is left to say of the fate of mankind!?
Cryptic is always dreary but how accurate and thorough a statement!
I’m on my knees
Light the call, bring about movement to my feet,
Allow me to run spreading and proclaiming my liberation
From all things non-feeling!.
The technology of the past has met that of the future,
And together they have brought about downfall
In the form of dancing hypnotic electric singular beats
Hand signals violence greed and the diamond encrusted necklace,
Laced in a dying boy’s blood, stolen in malice
On the night Halloween was born!.
Gun shots screaming men whistling about clubs and whores,
Reality screams rehearsed on plastic boxes and glass screens,
Colors keep people fixated on this ugly dream!.
The cats of music and art have all but died,
Taken down on the New York boulevard where they should be safe from harm
From the lunatics raving at gunpoint
God save the catcher in the rye!
I’m fixated on the metal black shining tank,
That’s pumping out of its *** black putrid fumes of the elitists in their decayed ignorance
Sunglasses keeping the sun at bay
As well as the rest of the world
Where the boys and girls watch in wonder at this mechanically-driven behemoth
From their car window with the rest of their family where they sleep and eat!.
Touch screens activated,
Tell the computer where you want to ****
The whore your Other knows nothing about while sleeping drugged and broken!.
Society became a terrible dream
In the smoke fire screeching steel beams,
Twisted and melded with human testaments to cruel intentions
And while the rest of a broken nation cries
A party plans the destruction of another helpless nation
Deeply embedded they are in their want for that black substance
Depending on human lives to give to them
Everlasting wealth and a place in the house
For a monarch’s term!.
The land is stained, friend!.
You have seen her in her fear
Gazing out at the free world weeping and wanting
For a way out of this dreary Hell!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
An interesting take one's longing to escape the technological shackles of mankinds self imposed prison!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I also think stanzas would help but i like the subject matter and the diversity of situations used to describe a single thought!. Reminds me of Bad Religion lyrics!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think it may need separating into stanzas!.
very good tho, altho i prefer fully rhyming poems, but thats just me!.!.!.
i found some rhymes in there!. are they intentional!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is nopt very often you find something good on yahoo poetry section !.!.!.

and you are no exception
if only there was a rule
I`m sure you would break that too
do people think that people are fools
its not easy God knows how I`ve tried
to find on Yahoo a poem that I liked !.Www@QuestionHome@Com