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Question: !!My latest poem re-worked, everyone please check it out!!!?
~Happy Birthday~

I awaken to the sound of screaming
My alarm wailing at me to wake up
It dies with a dull thud

I get up
Eyes, bloodshot form the night before
Burning with the fire of 30 candles

Where’s my cake

I called in sick today
As if they would even notice I was gone
I checked the mail
Nothing but bills and hatred

Where’s my cards

I go to open the fridge
And that’s when I find my present
Its lying on the counter
I had to buy it myself

It’s stayed by me my whole life
My last remaining friend
He always was a sharp one

I dig it in to find I’m barely living
The blood runs out like silk
Flowing like rich icing, falling to the floor
My best present yet

There I lie, clutching at my one remaining friend
“Thank you”, I whisper softly

"Happy birthday to me!.!.!."


So, what are your thoughts!.

P!.S
It was originally a response to the question "Its my birthday, can you all write me a poem!."
So I did, and this is what I made for them!. (This is a revised and corrected edition, of course)Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
<3 I loved it!.!.!.but your punctuation, and a bit of your grammar is off!.

I'm not going to tell you which lines need commas/periods, because you should be able to figure it out!. However, you need a question mark at the end of "Where's my cake" also, when you say "where's my cards" it should be "where are/where're my cards!?"

Hope you found this useful!. Gonna star this, cause i loved it soooo much!. Thanks a lot for sharing this!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Strange and much too dark!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

sounds more like a story than a poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its good!!Www@QuestionHome@Com