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Question: Consuming, failure is always looming - poem i wrote!?
You work so hard
But nothing sticks
Failure is constant
Inescapable, consuming
Fear is always looming
Like a dark shadow at night
Lying next to you on your pillow
Your soul is slowly dying
Slowly suffocating
As your constantly debating
With every thought that pass by
Long into the night that haunts you
Into the sweet morrow
That finally consoles you
A glimmer of light guides you
You start your day the same old way
And no longer feel ill
As there is that little glimmer of light
That shines bright no matter the battles you faced
As the failures can always be erased
And in time you will see
Nothing matters anymore but you
The way you’re thinking
The way you’re feeling
And the way you lay in bed at night dreamingWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It is funny - how at night - problems, things to do and things that have been done - come to mind!. Frustration and stress caused by little things - in life - going wrong!. When the new day arrives - those problems and frustrations - have a way of working out!. ?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yes, you have some very nice touches in this!.!.!.I particularly like the 'dark shadow at night/lying next to you on your pillow'
(last line of this verse, should be 'you're' not 'your' - just a typo, I realise)
With every thought!.!.!.!.should it be !.!.!.!.passes by!? That reads better!.
Into the sweet morrow, sounds lovely, but a bit Shakespearean!.!.!.Into the sweet tomorrow, sounds just as good but fits the poem better!.
The line 'And no longer feel ill' is a little weak!.!.!.ill, sounds like you've had a physically bad night (sickness or something) whilst the rest of the poem is about matters of the mind!.!.!.!.could you try other words here!?
This is a very worthy poem!. I look forward to seeing more from you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A nice poem, Glad you included hope of a new dawn, Dream
on!. Think of all "failures" as life lessons to be improved upon!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ash,
Great poem!. I love it!.
Thanks for sharing your talent!. Have a great day!
Third PWww@QuestionHome@Com