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Question: Please have a look at this poem!?
!.!.!.Here 'tis!.
My Twisted Fairytale
Within this castle built of splintered stones,
We waltz to a sore, irregular beat!.
The music stops, you stand so alone,
Retrieving your lack of intimacy!.
You held me distant with neoprene arms,
Apathetic untruths set, come midnight!.
Darkness long fallen on your pale, fake charms,
You fought my hate only to lose the fight!.
My besotted prince, hold tight to your lies,
And repent them remembering our last dance!.
Think back to our love, laced with cyanide,
Wonder if twas worth dying for that chance!.
For I left you death-wishes, poisoned arrows,
Cupid's benign gift on Valentine's Day!.
I'll hold your hand, and weep in mock sorrow,
Grinning calmly as your world fades to gray!.
As my heart tears itself open, corrupt,
Your blood on my hands glistens ruby red!.
Unmoved, our bitter passion errupts,
To fill the throat of Pain, happily fed!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ever line was a mouth full!. Every stanza took awhile to comprehend, as in that each line lingered to compute, expect maybe (rolls eyes then counts) stanza 5!.
Definitely a twisted fairytale!. Spooky, cruel, demeaning, hopeless, feeble, mysterious, captivating, odious, shrew, highly intellectual, spontaneous, somewhat sinuous, may as well have been a meeting at graveyard!.
My only complaint:
S-4, L-4 Should be, "I grin!." Or a new sentence!.
I give this poem a
Horrific 9!.1Www@QuestionHome@Com
Twisted Fairytale, yeah you could say that!. I don't like it as much as some of your others!. It's more vicious!. The words fit together well, however!. I think I would put in a stanza about how the narrator finds a new guy and rubs it in the ex's face, but that's just me!.
Keep it up, girl!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
As i was reading it the flow came more naturally!.
Well done, i really liked it!.
I wouldn't change it, its brilliant, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise!
Check my poems to see if you like them!. (Just view my profile, then click my questions labeled "poems")Www@QuestionHome@Com
'' Your blood on my hands glistens ruby red!."
Loved it, though the flow was kind of off!.
Very, very nice, you have great skill at poetry!.
I will keep it in my ?!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really liked appropriate title by the way, so very twisted in every way unique, giving you a star!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your message is clear and quite eerie!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's certainly twisted at that, but I like that way!. Very creative and fun to read!. I think it speaks to the twisted side in all of us!. Very well written!.!.!.great alliteration and rhyme scheme!. I suspect that you were striving for 10 syllable lines and most of them are, but there are a few that are not quite 10!. No matter really, unless that it is important to you!.
L3=9
L10=11
L13=11
L16=11
L19=9
L22=9
It flows well!. I got hung up on "neoprene" because I'm unfamiliar with the word!. Other than that it read well!. My favorite line is "Think back to our love, laced with cyanide" That's a great description!. This was a very refreshing and enjoyable poem!. Thank you for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com