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Position:Home>Poetry> One more - good or bad?Question: One more - good or bad!? The room starts to spin
As the walls close in So I pop another pill To ward off the chill That is trying to tear A hole in my heart And wait for the day I can walk freely away To leave this mortal strain And the never ending pain Of those who leave Without a thought Of the need of one Who had come to lean on Their love and care And needed them there To carry them through Their darkest nights So they could walk again And learn to stand In the light With unaltered sight!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: The subject of your poem is fine!. Ask yourself this: if you were to turn to one of your friends and speak like you wrote in this poem, would they ask you what had come over you!? Here's the thing: rhymed poetry MUST sound natural!.!.!.the rhymes should sound almost accidental, and the farther apart you can keep the two rhymed words, the better the poem will sound!. Poetry is not about finding words that rhyme, words that fit!.!.!.it's about creating an image using words as your paint, the paper your canvas!. Writing in short rhymed couplets is like an artist lining up everything that's blue and putting in one corner of the painting, then all the reds in another!.!.!.it's too hard on the eyes!.!.!.and in this case, on the ears!. Read your poem out loud without stopping!.!.!.you'll see that the lines are choppy and the rhymes are too close together!. I'm not beating you up about this, because it is the same mistake almost every poet makes in the beginning!. What we (as a people) remember about poetry is usually that it rhymed!.!.!.so we put rhymes into our attempts at poetry in the beginning!.!.!.thus we all make the same mistakes!. I just want you to understand that it "is" a mistake and learn from the experience!. The fact that you had a good image in your head, that you had the guts to put it on paper and make an honest attempt at writing poetry speaks volumes!.!.!.you have nothing to prove: you are willing to be a poet!. Now, all you have to do is improve at writing poetry!.!.!.and the first few things you should do is buy a book of modern poetry so you can see how others do it!. If you're really serious about being the best poet you can be, buy the Norton's Anthology of Poetry and a couple of books on "how to write poetry"!. As you read through the Anthology, notice how poetry has changed over time!.!.!.and if you try to copy a style, copy the style, not the vernacular (don't say "thee" or "thou")!. By the time you reach the end of the Anthology, if you've tried to copy the styles along the way, you may not be the next Edgar Allen Poe or Maya Angelou, but you'll be a far better poet than when you started!. Poetry should not be a phase!.!.!.it should be something you carry with you for the rest of your life!.!.!.it's a way of looking at the world and communicating!. Hope this helps more than just a review of your poem!.!.!.and please, keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com The pill makes you forget and you think it will make you wake up in a better place!?!? but are you sure it will do that!?!? but whats the light,!? have you found the light!?!? I say this poem is a sad one!. o!.k!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It is good, keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com great!Www@QuestionHome@Com i would get dizzyWww@QuestionHome@Com |