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Question: Wintry Beauty!.!.!. Critique Needed!?
The sky shatters like broken glass,
the small crystalline shards slowly drift to the earth below,
reflecting the soft glow of the already fallen!.
A fair mantle of powder masks the soil,
Earth’s beauty enhanced with frosted softness!.
The muted echoes of the world slowly cease,
as night falls, wrapping a dark blanket around her!.
As the early morning light breaks through the trees,
casting shadows upon Earth’s lovely face,
the dancing of minute dreams twirl in the sky!.
They fall lazily to rest upon her visage,
artic kisses that lightly brush her lips!.
Once more they subside,
leaving the landscape in serene splendor!.
Days pass and Spring’s sensitive touch maneuvers towards her,
brushing away the last of the wintry beauty,
replacing it with a ardent magnificence of its own!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Line 2 - In this line you do not need that first the, or even the second one!
Line 3 - "Reflecting the soft glow of the already fallen!."
I believe you are missing a pronoun here!. I think it should be, "THEY REFLECT!." And the start of a new sentence,
Line 4 - Needs period at the end or needs to be connected to five better!.
Line 5 - is a fragment sentence alone, and bad clause with line 4!.
"A fair mantle of powder masks the soil," Asks for a present tense to follow!. Just read the two lines yourself, see what I mean!. You could try adding, "!.!.!.the soil!. Snow (Or it) enhances earth's beauty with a frosted softness!."
Line 6 - Why does something that is muted slowly need to be silenced!? (Cringe) I don't know how to fix that one!.
Line 7 - Fix this one when you fix 6!.
Line 8 - Stop with the many run-on's! Try, Cast shadows, even with out the correction of 6&7!.
Line 9 - Shorten this line, and make it a new sentence!. Twist the words around a little!. I don't want to make this poem half/mine by telling you where everything should go!
Line 10/11 - Ernest imagery!. The word visage is very uncommon!.
Put 12 in 13's place!. Sounds better!.
I think I have done enough here!. Edit this!. If you post it again, I'll give you a rating, with some better comments, and less critiqueing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
niceWww@QuestionHome@Com