Position:Home>Poetry> A New Poem...Please read and Comment?
Question: A New Poem!.!.!.Please read and Comment!?
Lowered eyelids-shields against the brilliant sun-
Protect the eyes in fear of blinding by eclipse,
But conceal the incarnation of the other one-
The sun of another world reflected in the scripts
Given to the sky painter of wine and fire,
And the lyrics given to an angel choir!.
The other world is seen in unacknowledged glimpse
Or with the lidless eyes of one insane
Or in the eyes of shadowed innocence
(The searching eyes of my child in the rain)
Whose private phantoms tilt and jeer at night
When suns from neither world illuminate her plight!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is wonderful Amy!. I know of the two worlds of which you speak!. One is out in the open, the other you see from the corners of your eyes!. Nevertheless, it exists!. It is necessary for the two to be distinct, but yet acknowledge each other!. There are many facets to our being!. Your poem has captured this brilliantly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This may not be what was intended but!.!.!. I see the Mother, Wisdom, Earth, Gaia, watching over her child and the road she is on!. Intentionally not giving everything needed yo make it easy so that the child will grow!.!.!.
There are so many other things I could find but I do not have the time!!.!.!. I am so glad to see another AMY G masterpiece of spirit though!.!.!. thank you for this!.!.!.
Blessed Be, SirenWww@QuestionHome@Com
do not blind ones-self
with searching eyes
or of dreams to be
the song we sing
is but of words
of dis-may
her plight may be
of truth
but reality
may taste of her
taste of truth
so sleep now
sleep if you may
sleep upon
a garden of spring ____
just me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I have a flashback to one of your drawings with the lidless eyes!. Personalities contained in one!? This is one to ponder!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's a good poem!.!.!.
but, there are better parts of yourself to be illuminated!.
Anyways, I look directly into the sun!.!.!.!. ann y kan ctill c mie purfekt spelinggnessWww@QuestionHome@Com
i like it but i would write
Protect the eyes in fear of the blinding eclipse
but thats just me lol!. i really like itXDWww@QuestionHome@Com
I am amazed anew by your poetic strength!.!.!. I want more but will wait for however long it takes!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like this poem the rhymes r all in diff places so it makes it sound pretty coolWww@QuestionHome@Com
Your words are powerful,AMY!. I just love this poem!. It makes the reader stop and think!. Each word,Each syllable carries a strong force of passion and revelation!. You talk about the sun and the sky,The world in a way that may never have been seen before!. If I may ponder where you get your ideas from!? I've never been so moved by a poem before!. This poem not only moves me but it sends me to a far-off place that I've only reached in my dreams!. You have a gift,My dear!. A wonderful gift of being able to create inspiration through your words!. I may have to leave this moment,But I would hate to leave without asking if you would give me the honor of being your friend!. Your friendship would mean alot to me!. I've been searching for someone that could challenge my intellect!. And tonight,Have you not only challenged it,But you have totally literally stifled it!. I hope this has helped you some!. If not,I would like to attempt to try again!. The name is David and it is extremely a pleasure to meet someone as cultivating as you!. I wish you the best on this night as well as many others following it!. Have a goodnight and God bless!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like the apparently dry humour advocating reflex over oft-mocked safety advice, of the first two lines, quickly turned to the sharper paradox, `blinded by eclipse!.' The six-beat lines of the opening stanza, now swelling to thirteen syllables, glide over dominoes of metaphors: a sun reflected in words; words painted in wine and fire; and closed eyes unable to `see' the voice of an angel choir whose lyrics were painted upon the sky!. I am reminded of Blake's astonishing indictment of `parents!.!.!.' who `!.!.!.brought them forth & aged ignorance preaches canting,' like your guidelines for averting blindness, where `the youth of England' see an angel `on a vast rock, perceived by those senses that are clos’d from thought!.'
Interestingly, the sound of the second stanza is far more subdued!. Where the first flooded its metrical banks with visions, the second is textbook iambic!. The first and last lines are alexandrines; the middle lines are of pure iambic pentameter!. Curiously this second stanza is about after-images, or images or speculations of images; it is hauntingly earth-bound!.
This poem features a great many deviations from the classic Venus & Adonis stanza!. Although this is jarring to me, and personally made the poem slightly inaccessible at first, the many deviations seem to be well considered!. Yet, I must confess that as a reader I am likely unpredisposed ever to become wholly used to the effect!.
(As a final personal note on typography, I would find the first line easier to understand if the hyphens were rendered, say, as commas, at least when in plain-text form; I do understand you probably intended em-dashes!.)
I took considerable pleasure in reading this poem; thank you for sharing it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com