This is my best poem. do u like it?

Question: This is my best poem!. do u like it!?

LIKE A TWISTED GAME
Boy and girl, the best of friends!.
From elementary to middle school, from beginning to end!.
Through all thoses years their friendship grew!.
They both felt the same but neither knew!.
Each waking moment since the day they met!.
They both loved each other sunrise to sunset!.
He was all she had in her life!.
He was the one who kept her from her knife!.
She was his angel, she made him smile!.
Though life threw him curves, she made it all worth while!.
Then one day things went terrbly wrong!. the next few weeks Were like a very sad song!.
He made her jealous on the purpose he tried!.
When the girl asked``do u love her!?`` on purpose he lied!.
He played with jealousy like it was a game!.
Little did he know things would never be the same!.
His plan was workking but he had no clue!.
How wrong things would go, the damage he would do!.
One night she broke down, feeling very alone!.
Just her and the blade, no one else home!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

The story is tragic!.!.!.the poem is okay!. I like the poem, but it needs work!. You chose to write in rhymed couplets!.!.!.always a difficult thing to do without it sounding "rhymy"!.!.!.I think you might have done better to alternate the rhyme so it was abab instead of aabb!.!.!.it would have softened the rhyme!. Still, your long lines delayed the rhyme to some extent, so it wasn't as rhymy as it might have been!. Your punctuation and spelling obviously need work (but you knew that already)!. I do wish you'd edit your poem more before posting, it would make it much easier to read and you'd get less comments on your spelling and punctuation and more on your content!. Be careful of forced rhymes!.!.!.those lines that sound unnatural because you'd never really say the words in that order if you weren't trying to rhyme a poem!. It takes practice, and I can see that you're improving, so keep at it!. As far as the concept of the poem!.!.!.well, it's a tough sell to older audiences because we've actually "seen" this type of tragedy and it's not beautiful!.!.!.it's terrible!. My son's girlfriend tried to call him just before she shot herself!.!.!.needless!.!.!.over nothing!.!.!.a little fight they could have worked out the next day!. Why people do this is a mystery to me!. I know you wrote this not because you believe it to be "good", I just wanted to ensure you understood that there really isn't anything romantic or beautiful about the actual event!.!.!.we like to think differently, but maybe if more people understood the reality of the situation it might happen less frequently!.!.!.and that might be the subject of a future poem for you to write!. For now, your poem was fine and you communicated your images to your audience well enough!. Please try to use full words, like "you" instead of "u"!.!.!.it's only two more lettes :)

!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com

The line "Then one day things went terrbly wrong!. the next few weeks Were like a very sad song!." is kind of awkward, and id revise it!. I really liked the line "His plan was workking but he had no clue", its bad a!.s!.s!. in my opinion!. Overall its a realy cool poem thats is on the sad/morbid side, but its really well written!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It reminds me of a song called Patches, you can google it on Youtube if you would like to hear it!.
Ah, what the heck, here is the link!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=UGznaZRtj!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

More of a story than a poem other than that is great vivid very detailed you described there feelings which is goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

beautiful babe!.
kisses from your bizzes-

kWww@QuestionHome@Com

That was one of the saddest and greatest poems i have ever read on yahoo answers!.
wonderful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's sad and tragic but i absolutely love it
star for you**Www@QuestionHome@Com

love it all so vivid see it all in your mindWww@QuestionHome@Com

OMG!.!.!. I LOVED it!!!! That is really, really good!. <3Www@QuestionHome@Com

wooow!.!.i love it!.!.very goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

That would have to be one of the best poems I've ever read!!!! It was rely good! I loved it!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it too!. You need to proof read it, there are a few mis spelled words and instead of putting "That night they both died" I would change it to "That was the night they both died" also before that you have "her picked up the knife instead of He picked up the knife" You need to change the one long line you have in your poem to 2 shorter lines, the long line throws it all off!. Just do some proof reading, but I like it!. I have had some of my poems published and won awards for them!. A little work and this could be published also!.Www@QuestionHome@Com