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Question: My first poem in a long time, I would be happy for comments!?
Once again my bed smells like you
Once again I feel your closeness in the distance
That separates only our bodies!.
I found a strand of hair on my pillow
A steel gray memory of quiet love and quiet talk
That cements our intimacy once again!.
I wonder at the emotion that rushes over me, like a tsunami
When I hold the shirt you forgot to pack
(Or was this a deliberate act of love!?)
We return to our lives, to our worlds, to our selves
Separated again but made whole again!.
And once again my bed smells like you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It is always painful when lovers need to separate!. The imagery in this poem engages the senses: the feelings of closeness, the smells lingering afterwards, the spiritual connection even though the lovers are physically apart!. I would like to see more of your poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I completely agree with Elaine, I just wanted to add my criticism for the heck of it, since she seemed to miss a couple things, I could not overlook!.
This poem is more like a grief stricken prose than a poem!.
This prose is sincere and heartfelt!. The separation was painful, but a greater hope for the future inflated, but yet reduced that sorrow!. I enjoyed the emotional game-play!. Very constructive!. Your words were lulling!.
I don't know about all that space between each line though, it adds unnecessary long pauses!.
I give this prose an
Appeasing 8!.4
:O(Reconsideration):
I just noticed your repeated usage of the word again!. Unless you plan to title this prose something with word again in it, I will have to bring that rating down to a
Saddening 7!.4Www@QuestionHome@Com
This i think is good but it would be better if you included how you felt smelling him and finding that hair!. Me being a poet myself i am going to post one of my own, tell me what you think about it!. ( I am thirteen) It it called "The Girl That Cannot See" Search in the engine the words!.!.!. "Is this poem good!?"Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really loved this poem!. When you close your eyes and think hard you can smell people and even see them!. I do this before I go to sleep and I get to dream of my loved ones that have crossed over!. Welcome to the site!. I don`t write that much but I will read everything!. I`m a newby!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
this touched a cord having recently ended a 9 yr relationship!.!.!.beautifully doneWww@QuestionHome@Com