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Question: Ok what do u think of mmy poem!?
Hate
poem
Love
Hate: hate is a terrible word, hate
But cold shoulders dirty look, making fun
Or stabbing me in the back !.I call that hate!.
U left me alone; all alone; in the dark;
Scared to death; all alone all by my self,
w/ no one to hold nor to hold me tightly!.
While I was scared!. I thought you
Where my friend but I guess not!.
Love, love is a wonderful word
Love is standing besides me not
Behind me, leaving me w/ an
Open ear and a shoulder to cry
On, not a cold one!. a good friend
That will stay w/ me when im hurt!.
I call that love!. so why I thought
All along you where my friend!.
But that’s ok I have other friends
That TRULY loves me!.
Hate is u
Hate is me
Hate is here
Hate is gone
Hate is left
Hate is right
Hate is up
Hate is down
Hate is everywhere
Hate is @13%
Love is @87% try and make love stayWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Sorry, I have no right to give an opinion, poetry not being a strong suit for me, but I do like you poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's okay, not really a poem more of a rant!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You may hate me for this critique, but you asked for it!. :P
Line 1 - Why do you repeat the word hate, at the end!? I promise you 2 hate's in a six (minus last hate) word line, is good enough!.
Line 2 - That 'but' does not belong there!. In proper english it is not allowed there!. Read it, does it sound right to you!? Using the word but, is like using the word however, replace it and see how it sounds!.
*Cold shoulders, dirty look, making fun!.
Is a list of verbs and nouns, and not a real sentence!.
*Cold shoulders arch with a face masked in a dirty look, as eyes make fun (of who)!." This is a sentence!. (I'm sure you could come up with a better definination of some one making fun, like harass, etc!.
Line 3 - Seeing that line 2 is not a real sentence!. That "OR" causes some problems!. Even with out the word or, line 3 does not consist of proper english sentences!.
"Stabbing me in the back!. I call that hate!."
Replace (!.) with (,) and get rid of the word that!.
Stabbing me in the back, as a individual sentence, is like implying, "Me stabbing you in the back," is a sentence!. Its not!. Even though it may give you a picture in your head, read how it sounds!.
Line 4 - No need for that many semicolons, and fix U!.
Line 5 - I think you just covered that in the last sentence!. Thanks for the reminder!?!?!?
Line 6 - Fix w/no and get rid of that second 'to'!.
Line 7 - No needed for a period and put an of somewhere in there!.
Line 8 - Switch where, to were!. Put a comma before but!.
Line 9 - Okay!.
Line 10 - Should be, Love is not standing beside me!.
Started to read line 11 now I'm confused!.
Is the word not, the beging of a new sentence!?
Lines 12 - 14 need some minor changes!.
15- Sentence should be, "So why did I think!." (past tense)
16 - but, is not needed!.
17 - Fix that s!.
The rest is just a rant!.
You could do that for any adjective!.Www@QuestionHome@Com