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Question: Memories :P poem pls comment!?
Memories
As I was walking,
I saw these girls talking!.
When they started laughing,
I remembered something!.
beautiful memories from the past, that touched my heart!.
Your funny jokes,that made me laugh hard!.
The times we were together!.
OH, I wish it had been longer!
I will always remember!.
Things when we were together!.
I love you my friend,
You are such a true friend!.
I will always miss you,
I hope you miss me too!.
I`ll never forget those precious days!.
In my heart no one can erase,
my memories with you!.
Together, forever and ever!.
what do you guys think!?!?!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi, I just want to say that your poem is a great start!. I love the first few lines of the poem because it engaged me!. I suggest that you add in more abstractions and more descriptions of those memories!. What do they feel like!? Describe the memories poetically!.
I am like you in the way that I also like to write really obvious and clear poems but in order for it to really be memorable, it really needs more descriptions and elaboration!. Good job and keep up the good work!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I've read this same type of poetry at least a dozen times!. The mutual bond shared between two friends, only expressed through repeately writing, together, and forever!.
Its like watching a monkey punch itself in the face, trying to get others to understand!. I got it the first time you wrote it, and there was no need for a repetition in line scheme!.
As someone who probably doesn't write much poetry, like I've written, I understand why you went here!. But if you trying to be a writer, or a poet, you are going to need to spend a lot of time praticing!.
If I had read this poem two years ago, before I'd read any of the same sytle, I would have commeted you's poem was pretty good!. Now, I just want that line combination out of my head for good!.
I give this poem a
Bereft 2!.1Www@QuestionHome@Com