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Position:Home>Poetry> Untitled; for the same girlfriend. Like it?Question: Untitled; for the same girlfriend!. Like it!? You are the Helen of my Troy,
the ember of my fire; the summit of all mortal joy, you are my one desire!.!.!. You are the shade beneath my boughs, the snowfall on my leaves, and in the vital warmth of spring you are the Aegean breeze!. Every night amid my dreams, I see your gentle face; There in fields of golden grass, Your shadow I embrace!. We lie in plains of Eden, like Adam and his Eve; and on my lips I taste the fruit of your forbidden tree!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It is really good, and I think anyone who got this poem would be pleased!. It is very passionate!. Lots of emotions run through such few words!. My one and only criticism is that in the first 4 lines, you rhyme twice (every other, which is actually difficult to do) and in the rest of the poem you did not!. I think that if you changed it to anything else, though, it would take away the poem, so keep it the way it is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The same girlfriend!? As opposed to your other girlfriend!? Your rhyme scheme falters in the second stanza!. Fix it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i like it!.!.!.very sensualWww@QuestionHome@Com OMG THIS IS SO SWEET!Www@QuestionHome@Com |