Position:Home>Poetry> I wrote this poem... what do you think?
Question: I wrote this poem!.!.!. what do you think!?
A Spanish rose under a lonely sun!.
A twinkle in the eye of the tundra!.
The rain begins to fall!.
I bet it’s nice to know you’ve got someone near,
Someones arms to fall into…
Is it hard to find yourself,
When you’ve never been lost!?
Is it hard to exist, when you’ve never
Had anything to exist for!?
Just a sweet nude inkling as to why you’re here
On the bare flesh of your thought!.
(i just recently got out of writers block, this is also a copyrighted poem so don't try to steal it)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hello and welcome back to writing!. I had a block myself for many years, I didn't believe in the power of words anymore but it came back!.
Now, regarding your first poem (I'm a published poet, not that it means that much these days), I would say that you are on the verge of poetry!. Your last sentence being the best!. It's condensed, precise, you are using your personal world!. Please go on, no block anymore, you are back!
Now, excuse my rudeness or curse me, I thought you could balance it better, avoid unnecessary words, erase the prose, something like what follows (to be worked on, this took a minute, just to give you an idea)
A Spanish rose, this lonely sun,
a twinkle in the eye of the tundra!.
Rain drops begin to fall!.
Someone near you,
Someone's arms to fall into…
How to be found
when you've never been lost!?
How to exist amongst chaos!?
Just a sweet nude inkling as to why you’re here (too long, not precise, this is prose, not poetry)
On the bare flesh of your thought!. (now this is more like poetry, you are being visual to describe an impression and resorting to your personal world)
Your second poem is the beginning of a poem!. It isn't complete!. You have to explain who 'They' are!. Try and make the curse more personal than Eve!. Find your own way, you are there, you have poetry in you!. Dig deeper, reach the core of your thoughts!. I'm glad to have read you!.
Good luck!!!! Welcome back to your world!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
The first poem is about a beautiful rose
that grows as the rain fall on it!.
Next paragraph is about romance
because having someone's arms to
have to fall info!.
I dont your second one to comment on
but I am sure its beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
they are both beautifulWww@QuestionHome@Com
I loved them both!. I like how they flow together!. Your an awsome poet!. Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com
second one meant to be misspelled!? honestly, i'm not much of a poetry fan!. Wordsworth and Kipling's If are pretty much all for me!. sorry, can't helpWww@QuestionHome@Com