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Question: Your interpretation and critque of this poem!?
Sprouted from a womb
Water sprinkled at its roots
Needed to grow
Needed to live
Rays from the sun
Illuminating a small seed
The sparrows in the trees
Singing a song, rejoicing it seems
A time machine chugging along
Defying minutes, hours, days
Halt!
A beautiful sound
Weaving stories
Putting hope in a childs eyes
Promise in a mans dreams
Imagination to the dubious
Save yourself!
A hidden wand taints you
With a spell
Like sleeping beauty not able to wake
The nightmare is near
Then like a candle
Slowly quenching
The mare in the night
Jumbled thoughts
Spitting words!.!.!.
And a voice
Resonating as if through a concert hall
But it is within
My thoughts
I am calm
Protected
Resurrected
Able to breath
Not air, soul ventilating
There is a threatening cloud
A shadow beneath
Rain pouring
Weeping
Salvation is nigh
The final benediction
A prince
Eatten by snakes
The form gone limp
Not knowing
Water is needed to live
A necessity to growWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it's 'child's eyes!.'
Eatten is spelt wrong!.
Your poem's theme is too generic!. And 90% of your adjevtives and adverbs mean the same thing in your context!.
Edit:
Ok, I'll help you, but I normally don't do these things, but it seems you are sincere!. I'll just anaylze your last stanza: in this stanza, as in the rest of the poem you are an imagist!. You should research that form of art!. You have to be careful though, because the speaker's mental activity is incapable to form an apprenhension on the 'threatening cloud,' which seems to be a motif in this poem!. This apprehension is important to discover by the reader, because the images described by the speaker to express himself/herself, needs to narrate (or navigate) a central being to glue those things together!.
The point I am trying to make is that you cannot except for the reader to read 'between the lines' or from the 'heart,' without first leanring your craft or technique!. In a nut shell, do not make assumptions about what can be ascertained from your poem!. The poet is no better than a carpenter or a basket weaver!. All we have is just 27 letters of an alphabet, so use it wisely!.
also, you have to differeiante the poet, and the speaker; they're two different entities!.
Matthew Arnold once said that a great poem is decided by the intellect-- if one word is taken away, it could collapse the entire edifice!.
In the main, I'd have to disagree with this, escpecially in this era!. However, in your personal growth as a craftsman, and from what I've gathered in your poetics, this apllies to you sans doubte!.
PS the adjectives and adverbs do not need to be toned down, necessarily!. To be honest with you, you are not talented enough (not yet at least), to write like this!. Before you can break the rules, and go out of bounds, you wold have to first learn to apply them properly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Filled with visuals -- but I am lost!.!.!. just not sure what you are saying!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
After the first three stanzas i got lost!.!.!.
We were talking about something being born, probably a tree or plant unless that was a metaphor!.
Then we are defying time and spreading hope!.
Next we are in a nightmare of dreams!.
k i'm gonna read on now!.!.
Now we're calm!.!.!. well i suppose that's good but what about time stopping!?
Hey, last stanza, water is needed to live, thank you captain obvious!. At least you related to the first stanza!. but honestly, it makes no sense!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
~sig~
7 days without soccer makes one weakWww@QuestionHome@Com
You need to pay attention to the music of your poem!.!.!.it's too stunted and that works sometimes, but not all the way through!.
Read more Hemingway and T!.S!. Eliot for help in the "music" dept!.
also a lot of what you're describing is way over dramatic!.!.!.poetry doesn't need all this excess "Salvation is nigh, The final benediciton, Resurrected, Halt!" one strong word (Resurrection is sooo loaded) can work in a poem but too many drag it down and cancel each other out!. You need to really think about the meaning of each word an how that works with previous words you've already used!.!.!.try not to stuff a lot in at once!. Look up "Lunch Poems" by Frank O'Hara, they are really casual but some are so beautiful despite the lack of melancholy or overly loaded language and words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The first stanza seems to be describing birth, giving nourishment, and how family members are so happy to see new life!. The sun rays may represent happiness!.
The second stanza seems to be describing young childhood, and how it seems to last forever and/or go so quickly; to world is so magical to children, and anything seems possible!. "Save yourself!" seems to mean something along the lines of not wasting it, and that the real world is full of corruption and innocence-ruiners!.
The third stanza seems to describe childhood ending and all innocence being burned destroyed and being replaced by corruption!.
But then in the fourth stanza the person becomes comfortable with him or herself, and is no longer concerned with lost innocence because knowing the truth sets him or her free!.
The final stanza seems to represent the end of life!. It can come at one unexpectedly and in any shape or form; it could be random and unstoppable, caused by someone else, or the person could end up unintentionally causing one's own death!. They never saw it coming!.
So basically the entire poem is the cycle of life, from birth to death!.
That's just my interpretation!. I hope it helped c:
Edit: I think this poem's great, despite what other people have said!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's extremely difficult to interpate such a forfitied jumble of words!. I don't even consider this a poem; its just a heaping pile of thoughts!. I thought the first part was an exellent usage of personfication, then in the second paragraph my focus was totally thrown away to some other place!.
I give this attempt at poetry a
lost 1!.3/10
It would be better if your broke down this poem, and made each paragraph into different poems all together!.
Those broken thoughts, in this display, for me, seem a little too broken!.Www@QuestionHome@Com