Position:Home>Poetry> Poem: Star Traveler -- please critique; I value your opinions and suggestions.?

I admire the ambivalence of this line to the idea of solid identity: `with the star/that shines/as their sun!.' But I feel these lines sound too psychological or perhaps apologetic: `I try to merge/be one!.' I wonder if something like `do I merge!?' could be framed as a question somehow to maintain the distance this speaker cultivates from his audience!. A bit pleonastic is `yet not belonging,' so late in the poem; combined with `try to merge,' these two lines create what I think is a sense of desperation, rather than the inuredness I think you are seeking to convey!.

If `the whisper' is meant to bring to mind a supernova, I take still greater pleasure in this poem!. Overall, the speaker gives me the sense sometimes ascribed to The Wandering Jew, or to Eliot's Tiresias!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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This is rather nice!. Not as deep as Star Traveler Revisited, in my opinion!.

I don't see a hunger for the afterlife in this one!. I do see the quest for adventure and the unfulfilled desire to boldly go where no man (or woman) has gone before!.

I can certainly share the feeling!. Again, I love your ability to paint a picture using words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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I like how your poems bring imagery to my mind!. The image of what comes next, for some it is nothing, but it is nice to imagine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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I often feel this way!. It is a dream to me!. A dream I want to come true!. You've expressed it very well and made me want to travel once again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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can't add to it or take anything away!.Plus for you, keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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