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Question: Have I posted this in vain!?
Bottled Mess
Changed light into night
a second chance at a seeing sight
All my hatred balanced through
a bottle I would give to you
But nothing sacred ever lasted
My soul to yours has been contrasted
I am only whole as long
as I am free to sing my song…
a melody of hope unending,
to watch for powers new descending
Give me credence for a time
until I am aloud to shine
to take your love to make it mine
If you could give me some thoughts and tell me if this is no good or not I would hug you!.!.!. if you were here!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This was not posted in vane! This is most awesome, I love it!.!.!. sometimes poets write something that connect to the people who read their work and this is the case, for me, with your poem! Thank you for letting me see this side of me through your work!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Emmm!.!.!.
Pedantic crit first!.!.!.
Is that a typo in the second last line!?
"aloud"!.!.!.!?!
Or is that deliberate!?
If it's deliberate I'd stick in a comma after it, just to give a small pause and to help emphasise it a wee bit more!.
I'd also consider sticking the "I" in quotes and putting a comma at the end of that line too!.!.!.("I" am only whole as long,)
Overall, it's pretty decent!.
Keep it up,
DWww@QuestionHome@Com
HELLO
I WRITE POETRY AS WELL!. I LOVED IT!. IT IS VERY GOOD!. ARE YOU WRITING THIS TO BECOME A POET OR IS THIS A ONE TIME THING!? I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP WRITING!. BUT REMEMBER IT DOESNT MATTER REALLY WHO LIKES IT BECAUSE YOU CANT MAKE EVERYONE HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME ALL THE TIME!. YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF DO YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE REALLY IN THE LONG RUN THAT IS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS!. BUT I DO LIKE IT VERY MUCH!.IT IS VERY BEAUTIFUL AND FULL OF EXPRESSION!. YOU EXPRESSED YOUR FEELINGS VERY WELL!.GOOD LUCK
HELLODOLLYWww@QuestionHome@Com
Well penned!. Look at L6: remove "has been" and see how it flows!. And the last line what about using "and" instead of "to" in front ofmake!? Just thoughts Overall, well said!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
OMG ITS SOOOOOO GOOD I LUV IT!
???????????LOVE IT!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love it!
you rhyme and metaphors it's perfectWww@QuestionHome@Com