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Question: Can I go anywhere with this poem!?
This is just off the top off my head!. Do you think I can go anywhere with these poems I'm only 15 and I write songs and porems!. This is just one that I've never even thought of before just sorta freestyle in a sense!.
Burns and cuts, notes scattered the floor, you took off out the door, I wish I could help, I wish I could take words back, agruments and lies, hearts break and ache, slammed doors and broken picture frames don't help, If only you could forgive me, this fragile broken body!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's a great base!.!.!.
I'd suggest a restructuring of it and a tiny bit of editing
(and to this end!)
!.!.!.
Burns and cuts
Notes scattered on the floor
You took off
out the door
I wish I could help
Wish I could take the words back
Agruments and lies
Hearts break
and ache
Slammed doors
Broken picture frames don't help
If only you could forgive
this
Fragile broken body!.
!.!.!.
Well done!.!.!.
Keep writing!.
D!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
damn thats good!.!.
i like it alot becasue i think alot of kids can realate to it!.
keep it up and i would love to hear some moreWww@QuestionHome@Com
Sounds like a freestyle rap to me!. Put it to a beat and it could go somewhere interesting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
sounds too white
wurk on it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow!.!.!. and you're only 15!? take poetry for better form!. you have a gift no doubt about it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
not really!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
yes i think you couldWww@QuestionHome@Com