Tell your thoughts on this poem , do you feel it is cohesive?

Position:Home>Poetry> Tell your thoughts on this poem , do you feel it is cohesive?

Question:

~Strange Flesh~

In a town of zombies
Busted smoke stack ruins
Nothing ever happens
She sat thinking on a broke down Corvette roof top
Redundant ghetto blues
Grass grew from the cracked asphalt sea
She lit a New Port
Tightened her worn out Converse with little precision
No thought in her head
She trailed off on foot through the abandoned warehouse graveyard
Skeletons of days gone by
Suddenly
Bright hot light danced at her feet
Then stopped to play opossum
A metallic rainbow collage taunted her with a grin
We love feeding off confusion and doubt
Her eyes became blood shot
Her body unwound like broken videotape
She shuffled with uncertainty into the dull static white
Letting go of the ground without choice
Losing all control was the most beautiful thing
She had ever feltWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

It's definitely a narrative!. It flows nicely and it describes the mood and the place very well, although it sort of changes the flow in the middle!. I would like to know what this burning thing was and why did it come to her, and why was she attracted to it!. also it says that "she sat thinking" but then there's "no thought in her head"!. I believe she was thinking, and I would like to know what it was!. I guess I could think she was depressed and burned herself, or maybe she was chosen by some otherwordly force to go somewhere else!. Either way, there's a lot of questions that I would like to know and it leaves me with the feeling that something is unfinished!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think this poem is very powerful!. I like it a lot!. The images are palpable!. Great job!

Very small critique, you wrote:

"She sat thinking!.!.!.!."
Then few lines later said
"No thought in her head"

Was she thinking or not!? If she was and then changed, you could write
"No longer a thought in her head"!.
Or
"she tried cleaning her brain, still dirt remained"

That's just picky sh*t though!. It's a great poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is creative and I can tell you have a very artistic mindWww@QuestionHome@Com